The depth of Dakshinamurthy Shiva

Srinivasan breathed a heavy breath, he was exhausted and he wanted to just settle his mind on the form of Dakshinamurthy. Shiva, the intellectual, with his eyes closed in dhyana sits under the fig tree with the six great sages; the Sanakadimunivars listen in silence as the pearls of wisdom fall into existence. This is a form of Shiva who is composed of bliss, intelligence and existence, who controls the world of Maya at will, who has no beginning nor end and yet is formless himself.

There is eloquence in his being; there is purity in the air around him and the soft verses of praise rhythmically bathe the ambience for the seeker to listen.

Through the illusion of Atman, he who sees the universe exist within himself during his hours of sleep, like a city exists within a mirror, such that the universe looks like a manifestation of its own, he who beholds himself when awake, his own, the incarnate of the teacher, to him, the teacher who faces south, to him I bow.

He manifests himself in the bodies of all, of Brahma, of the devas, of Purusha (man) and of pashu(lesser animals). He is within those that are womb born, egg born, sweat born and earth born. When he is realized the world melts into him as if it were a blissful dream. And therefore I come into existence, I am life, I am consciousness, and I am pure.

Tat Tvam Asi

But I am a prisoner in this thick fog of Maya, my consciousness manifests itself as imagination, doubt, confusion, memory, determination, guess... Thus I adopt a school of thought, to understand and find, to realize myself. And thus I hold on to life, to meaning and to philosophy, to escape the clutches of this Maya that imprisons my mind. And so philosophy was born.

Charvaka: or Lokayatas hold that nothing is real except that which is revealed to the senses.

Kanada: founder of the Vaiseshika school of thought, believe that character and attributes are inherent in the atoms themselves and thus gives rise to objects of creation as well as their qualities.

Sugata: the popular Buddha believes Atman is not independent of the state of consciousness which is ever changing with every moment

Sankhyas: who follow the doctrines of Kapila and Patanjali, that the universe consists of two realities, Purusha(consciousness) and Prakriti(phenomenal realm of matter), the experience and the experienced, and where ultimate realization is achieved by following Ashtanga yoga.

Vedantins: who believe in the system of Sariraka-mimamsa, that explains the nature of Brahman

Pauranikas: who believe in the puranas that explain the creation of the universe and its beings and explain the histories and descriptions of various Gods and Goddesses.

Pratyakshas: who believe in sensuous perception, right knowledge obtained by sense organs coming in contact with external objects, like color is obtained through the eye.

Anumana: right knowledge obtained from the process of inference, that where there is smoke, there has to be fire. Hence the inference is fire as the presence of smoke reveals it.

Sabda: right knowledge obtained through verbal statement from a trust worthy source.

Upamana: right knowledge that is obtained from the process of comparison

Arthapatti: knowledge in the form of presumption, surmising a thing to account for something else that is known.

Abhava: immediate consciousness of the non existence of something by the non perception of it, therefore if it existed it should be perceived.

Sambhava: the right knowledge as to the existence of a part, when we know the whole of which it is a part also exists.

Aitihya: right knowledge obtained by centuries of tradition, transmitted generation to generation of which the source is unknown.

Srinivasan sighed, feeling the silence and bliss within him. Time doesn’t exist, its part of the very Maya we are engulfed with, Kala defines the change that is felt or perceived in that which is living, that which has prana, that which is Atman. Srinivasan stood bewildered with the thought of the great Lord of the South, who touches the consciousness, who governs the ever open mind into a state of everlasting bliss.

He had awoken to the truth of Dakshinamurthy and yet he could scarcely comprehend it. The truth echoed in his mind and yet the fog didn’t lift. The peace of equilibrium and high emotional bliss touched him and yet he felt it was momentary. The thought of coming back to this world brought his mind crashing into the depths of Maya we all know so well.

Srinivasan opened his eyes, Lord Dakshinamurthy continued to be in dhyana with his eyes closed. The apasmara purusha, the emblem of ignorance felt like that of Shrinivasan’s as he felt the warm force of divine Lord gently crush his “imagined” self. He was the seventh present, who tried hard to listen to the truth of the universe and yet those words felt like they fell on deaf ears.

Gurur Brahma Gurur Vishnu | Gurur Devo Mahesh Varaha||

Guru Shakshat Para Brahma|Tasmai Shri Guruve Namaha||
Guruve sarva lokaanaam Bhishaje bhava roginaam|
Nithyai sarvadhiyaanam Dakshinamurthaye namo namaha||

Related topics:
Shiva Dakshinamurthy, Vadapalani, Chennai
The realm of Shiva, the meaning of Atman

Content Courtesy:
Dakshinamurthy stotra of Sri Shankaracharya, text translated by Alladi Mahadeva Shastri

Kalabhairava, the ughra form of Lord Shiva

Puja brings peace to the mind, and as one observes the Lord in the lamp light, there is certain brilliance to his being as he appears to reside at his seat, within a humble puja room, enhancing this throne, this space to a higher spiritual level with his presence. 

Fire has divine light, and as it glows, it brings alive the invisible presence of the Lord to us. This silent conversation brings deep thought as the Lord plays with the thoughts in the mind. Here is one such conversation.

Be it the chilling presence of the Lord on the river side in the cold wintry morning or be it the warmth of the Lord in the darkness of the Garbha griha, his form rings with enigma as one wonders about the various avatars he has taken in different mythologies. We are very accepting when it comes to his soumya forms, where he is depicted with Parvati as a gentle husband, as the divine Lord, but we can scarcely accept his presence as Kalabhairava, the fierce self. 

As the conversation proceeds, the mind dwells on the fact that it’s not just material detachment that one is expected to do away with for higher spiritual satisfaction. That is probably the beginning of it. Detachment from the material world brings additional concentration and more time and mind space that can be spent on the Lord. It brings peace of mind and creates the ambience for higher thoughts to take shape. And then the subtle universe awakens in the mind. 

Kala Bhairava rules the land of Ujjain and also the Ghats of Varanasi. And the bhaktas follow the rule when they life and experience the presence of the Lord here. Be it the aghoris of today’s world or be it the ancient world of Karraikkal Ammaiyar, the gore of the cremation ground and the fearful aspect of death is what echoes in these places. Kalabhairava creates fear, with well documented spells that state that blood and flesh needs to be sacrificed to win the trust and blessings of this form of Lord Shiva. This is enough to make us take a step back, us as in the so called civilized world.

Mahakala, Kalabhairava, Rudra are all fierce expressions of Lord Shiva, dressed in a garland of skulls, smeared with red kumkum on the forehead, free flowing matted hair and shown in a posture that spells destruction. Rudra on the other hand is red eyed and signifies tears with a fiery halo that makes him appear even more dynamic. These forms of the Lord do not look half as scary but the reality of these forms bring fear when the normal aghoris try to ape them, for they have not reached that level of divinity that calls for the warmth that is felt even in these wild forms when the Lord takes them.

This is the subtle world, a world of no bias towards preconceived ideas. This is the second level of renunciation that is expected of us. The first was material, the second is attitude. Did Lord Shiva take on these forms to teach us that there is no room for fear even if he appears fearsome? This appearance can make us squirm or this appearance can intrigue us that there is warmth and protection even when he appears to hold the kabala of a human in his hand and demands blood in his bowl!

Multi handed, the all powerful form of Mahakala is seated on his throne at Ujjain, in front of whom Bali is offered, it has been a blood bath of animals or people. This blood of sacrifice was religiously offered to the deity by pouring it into the cup he held in his left hand. In all his forms, with the variations in the number of hands he is depicted with, he is depicted holding a bowl in his left hand in which is offered blood or grain depending on where he is and the form he takes. Bhikshatana, or Nataraja, Kalabhairava or Mahakala, he walks with matted hair and little cloth roaming the forests or the cremation grounds. This is also Shiva. 

In the holy city of Ujjain, Mahalaka here is offered liquor, liquor that is visibly consumed. This liquor represents the blood that used to be offered in ancient days. Mahakala’s association with liquor, may appear to be for the wrong reasons, be it an offering into his cup in the ancient temple at Ujjain or be it into the funeral pyre by the aghoris at Varanasi. This liquor is a lot more than an alcoholic offering for consumption by the deity. What could possibly be the association of liquor to blood that is considered so sacred, be it any form…

In this awry image of the Lord I am forced to make a distinct parallel. In the Bible, Jesus Christ held up his wine glass during the Last Supper and said “This is my blood” and then he held up a piece of bread and said “This is my flesh”. The Last Supper was recorded as a turning point in the life of Christ where he headed towards sacrificing his life for the rest of mankind, to be crucified at the cross. His last words "forgive them Lord for they know not what they are doing". 

Disconnected though it may seem, I am unable to ignore this rare co-incidence of commonality between two very different faiths. What then is the significance of blood to wine/liquor? As one of the interpretations in the bible says, blood that flows as an offering to the Lord is the river of everlasting life, liquor or wine is the world of illusion, and the bread was the body of Christ in this case. And the forgiveness is towards mass ignorance, not towards crucifying him.

This description brings alive the presence of Mahakala Shiva, to whom human and animal sacrifices were once made, the flesh or the body of the deceased represented the corpse, the end of time, the end of life similar to that on which Ma Kali walks. This is the obvious description that hits the eye and that which has been documented. What is missing is the subtle thought of renunciation, where the blood flowing is the life that is within me, where the liquor is this illusion, this bias or attitude to differentiate that I wish to give up as I present it in the bowl that the Lord holds towards me. I give up my fear, I give up my colored thoughts, I give up the self that is so disillusioned. I am pure and I have lost every sense of attachment, to the world and to my thoughts, to my bias and to my attitude. And then I can join Karraikkal Ammaiyar in her unending bhakti towards Lord Shiva, who dances the tandava among the flames of the cremation ground, and all I see is pure love, pure bhakti, and pure thought.

A journey from Pictures to Temples to Yantras to Nirvana.

The temple, sacred in its presence and alive with energy that sets the heart beating when a devotee walks in wanting to catch the sight of Paramatman again in his aniconic form, is the seat of the universe itself.

The walls don't just house the supreme emblem inside but fortify the very energy center along a ground plan that is the blue print of the yantra that forms the mystic symbol of the individual Gods and Goddesses.

The yantra is the mystical base on which either temples rise or Gods descend into puja rooms. Be it an elaborate architectural wonder or be it a picture of deity well decorated within the puja room, the form takes on that which is intricately woven into the sacred syllables within the yantra - the geometrical representations of these deities.

This is not just about geometrical patterns that mystically define a form that we feel a lot familiar with in pictures, these are sacred beeja mantra syllables that define a lot more and call upon the very living force to bless the home or the temple with their presence.

Entering into the main temple shrine is defined by the number of gates that surround it, in the south of India, this is defined by the gopurams in four cardinal directions as well as the number of walls one crosses to get to the main shrine, which is the same as depicting 4 square gateways that lead into the center of the yantra from its four square sides describing the same gates geometrically in abstraction. This in popular terms is possibly called Vaastu Shastra.

Coming into the vicinity of this energy center entails one to be pure physically as per the scriptures. Be it a bath before the puja or be it a dip in the temple tank one is purified physically before they make their way to the main shrine. With offerings of flower and fruit, coconut and small flame of life the devotee offers moments of contemplation to the Istha Devata.

Walking around the temple as one advances towards the sanctum, brings the devotee face to face with the many Avatars the deity took to bring calm into the universe, the same is described by sacred syllables and minute depiction of the sacred self in the geometry of the yantra either obviously or through direction that emphasizes the respective forms as in the case of Sadashiva who is made of 8 forms of himself, each representing a cardinal direction. Back in the picture, this might not be depicted altogether but is largely understood.

In contemplation, deities appear either 2 handed,4 handed, 8 handed or 16 handed. Each hand carries an element, that visually appears like a noose, a sickle, sword, axe, arrow or bow etc. but also carries a profound sound that is capsuled with energy around the deity, defining their presence a lot more effectively in contemplation. These profound sounds are small syllables that appear in petals around the main geometrical form, in numbers of 4, 8, or 16 petals of a lotus inscribed in the yantra. In the picture at home, the deity is seen carrying these elements or is seated on a lotus seat of similar number of petals.

The Yantra described triangles with colors representing various Gods and Goddesses, the same is redefined in the clothes they wear in the pictures. Authentic pictures always show Devi in red and Ganesha in green and yellow. Decorating the deity with a crown and ornaments with flowers and clothes is similar to doing alankaram to the yantra after regular abhishekam. The same is done in a more elaborate way within the temple walls where the deities are dressed in the same colors in silks.

Contemplation involves invoking these forms of the supreme by regularly reciting the sacred syllables and mantras that bring them alive. Back at home, this leads the bhakta into silent japa, at the temple the priest utters these sounds during abhishekam. The energy is kept alive and the deity invoked blesses the bhakta.

On completion of this contemplation, as the peace sinks in, the devotee raises the small deepam in aarti, culminating the puja to an end. The priest raises the aarti in various lights, of numbers 1, 3, 5, 27 and 108, with mudras and offerings of a parasol, fanning and other sacred symbols of divine praise, offering them to the devata who is seated on their throne, beautifully decorated within their sanctum. This is the same form that is captured in a picture that comes alive within the puja room, a visual and far more familiar and understandable form as compare to a yantra, that strangely asks for more rule and greater care in its worship.

As one goes deeper into worship, spending more time in contemplation, one comes into understanding deeper levels of worship, superior forms of ritual that define methodology that helps realize the secrecy of this mysticism which brings alive a different world to the bhakta. This mysticism can just be realized and experienced, as the devotee is blessed with heightened emotion, mesmerized by the very form that they see of the supreme paramatma. These are in the form of mudra, natya, song, japa, vrata and sadhana.

This entire ritual through life, awakens the istha devata within the self and triggers energy of a different kind within the physical temple that we are built of, awakening each chakra within our system and converting us into a living temple where the apasmara is smashed to give way for the supreme to be enthroned within the seat of our sanctum - hrudaya kamalam.

Shiva Rudra - Tribute to the Red Eyed Lord

Lord Shiva Rudra along the Narmada

Rudra, the red eyed, gentle and fiery represents warmth and protection. Rudra, the red eyed shines through anything in the material world. Rudra the red eyed makes His presence felt no matter how uncanny the reality around. Rudra the red eyed, is there to be experienced if we try hard enough.

Fire is not as dangerous as it appears, Rudra is not as scary as he appears, Bhairava is not as violent as he is pictured. He is real, subtle and present in the pulse of life. What do I mean when I say this?

Rudra Shiva is not a treasure hunt or a well of information that once discovered is realized. No he is none of this. Rudra Shiva is the eye of life, the awakening being within myself, the consciousness, the fire of my soul, that has just started to burn. Rudra, the sound, brings vibration and heat of a higher kind, energy and life of a different nature, that needs to awaken, and mature with time. Rudra is vibration that if contemplated upon persistently reveals its nature slowly. Rudra, is the constant within us, the beat of the heart, the silenced thoughts that disappear to give way to pleasant imagination and high emotion when the Lord appears deep within the subconscious to be experienced. Rudra, is the light within, the sound energy within that silences all worry that clouds the imagination.

Rudra is that pulse within, you have it and I. We just need to try and He is there waiting to be awakened. Rudra is the blessing, he is the warmth and the fearlessness that makes us feel that this world, this maya is really quite trivial. Rudra is the subconscious that opens the inner world to us. Those ideas, those thoughts that I dont own, and those feelings that melt my heart pouring into tears that well out of my eyes, are these not an external expression of this awakening within myself?

My subconscious, the purity within me is where the Lord resides, as Bhikshatana, as Annapurni Mata, as Shankara, as Trayambaka, as Rudra. These are not just names attached with mythological stories, these are not just presentations of the Lord in human form, these are the very nature and energy of the supreme force Himself. And what if they appear within the vision of the subconscious to just bless the being, the human being, the limited human being that knows none, understands none, but fears all.

I am a speck in this ocean, I am a drop of life, and I am the 8th element, asleep lost and clouded in maya, I am part of Ashtamurti Shiva.

Om Bhavaya, Om Sarvaya, Om Isana, Om Tatpurusha, Om Rudra, Om Ughra, Om Bheema, Om Mahati, Om Paramaeshwar, the eight formed Lord, who represents the elements of water, fire, wind, ether, earth, sun, moon and my mind, O Sadayojata, O Sadashiva, the Lord of all the directions, the single pulse of energy that guides this world, O red eyed Rudra, I bow to you humbly for granting me this vision. The single energy center, the red eyed Lord, so clear and pure, so warm and enveloping, why then are you feared? Why then are you called terrific, why then are you considered so violent when all I can see is tenderness in your glowing eyes!

Om Rudraya devaya Namaha|

I bow to the Lord of the devas, to Rudra, to the creator of spiritual sound, that is involked in his names, the spiritual energy that vibrates within my being when I contemplate on his name. This devotion looks so small, so meak, so insignificant in front of your greatness, your form. To the fiery Lord of Love, warmth and peace, I bow humbly, and surrender to your presence deep within my subconscious, my real world, my core, that vibrates with the name of Rudra Trayambaka Shiva.

To see the sun, the moon and fire is one thing, but to feel the presence of the three eyed Lord Rudra is yet another. The core of red, the eye of light, the eye of life, the eye of fiery energy, the eye of divinity is in eternal abstraction, hard to explain but fulfilling and overwhelming to experience. Its the feeling of heightened emotion that results in heavy droplets of tears, that flow out like pearls falling through space, enhancing the bliss within so high that the minds knows nothing else. This awakens pulsating heat within the heart, heat that stays giving warmth of a flame that can beat the external cold without cover. This is ecstacy, this is emotion, this is beyond logic of the known kind, this is beyond blind faith, this is pure love, this is real.

Rudraya Devaya Namaha||

Photo courtesy: Creative commons - flickr.com

Prayashchita for life's miseries

I am not a killer, and yet I feel uncomfortable with myself. I have done no theft and yet I stand the biggest convict of my own principles, I have not broken law and yet my own laws to myself hold me responsible for imperfection. I stand guilty as my mind calls me a sinner, leaving me with regret and sorrow over my past deeds and life.

Being born human may not be as much a blessing as it appears to be a curse. Many mythologies indicate that divine beings, celestials and even super Gods have taken birth on earth to atone for their sins, having caused harm to others in heaven and other worlds.

Once born, one is faced with a life that doesn’t make much sense, doesn’t always deliver happiness, and leaves one confused over one's purpose of existence. The days of prayashchit are gone, the days of acute regret seem to be over and people are left with huge baggage of karma that follows them where ever they go. There are no answers because we don’t know what questions to ask, there is no peace because we do not know how to get rid of this baggage, there is no escape because these thoughts only come back to haunt us. There is only suffering because we know we are in the wrong and even if we are not, the lack of acceptance of reality doesn’t let us live in peace, and there is no escaping the mounting pressure the conscience puts on the self to clean itself out.

In a world where humans err, perform acts of sin unknowingly and try to cover up as much from the world of moral to save one's own self respect, there is only one thing that can bail the human mind out from the depths of misery.

Worship, sincere hardcore worship with bhakti, is the key to self resurrection. Like it or not, ritual helps because ritual is a methodology that purifies the soul, and nullifies the deeds that one performs knowingly or unknowingly. This is one of the root mechanisms of Hinduism, to be proven or believed is left to our ignorant judgment.

In a world where it may have become tough to trust anyone for the appropriate ritualistic bail out, where it becomes tough to even confess for prayashchit, the Lord leaves one door open to all those who want to clean themselves out. This cleaning is of the mind, which by now has become such a vast garbage yard and it has started to stink so much that it makes it difficult for anyone to survive with sanity, leave alone looking for happiness.

At this point, with deep humility the mind gives up. The ego surrenders, the heart break down and the mirror that once reflected the beauty of oneself cracks and falls to the ground. What stands naked, in misery is the inner core self, struck by the lightening of one’s own doing, faced with shame of one's own acts and tear loaded eyes that just have no vision left except that of acute disillusionment of one's own perfections.

That’s when the Lord takes over, as the Guru, as the maker, as the supreme form who divinely smiles down and blesses the convict giving them new life, and a method to be bailed out. That’s when Shiva Neelakantha drinks down all the poison of one's actions, Shiva Rudra burns down one's accumulated sins, Shiva Nataraja crushes one's own apasmara, Shiva Bhikshatana cleanses one of their vanity and reduces us to pure nakedness, Shiva Yogishwara presents the syllables of prayer that protects the soul.Shiva Vaitheshwara, the divine doctor rids us off our physical and mental ailments, Shiva Gangadhara purifies us with the holy waters of life, Shiva Mrityunjaya kills every fear known within our system, and Shiva Dakshinamurthy teaches us the way forward to a life of blissful worship.

As the Tripura Rahasya explains, the three cities of Anava Mala(egoism), Karma (bondage) and Maya(illusion) within one's human nature need to be destroyed. Destroying Anava Mala requires self surrender to Lord Shiva to acquire his grace in the form of Anugraha. Destruction of the second impurity karma is done through the consecration of one’s actions at the divine feet of the Lord, giving up the concept of “I am the doer” by developing the feeling of Nimita Bhava. Annihilation of the third impurity that is Maya happens through the deep contemplation and recitation of the Panchakshara, worship of the supreme Guru, hearing and the reflection of the attributes of Lord Shiva and his leelas. This awakens the presence of Lord Tripurantaka into one's consciousness.

At the end of every dark tunnel of karma, there is divine light of enlightenment that guides our souls to safety.

Bhakti, pulse in the dance of Lord Nataraja

I sit here in silence
Bursting with life,
Bursting with enthusiasm
As I mull over the presence
Of the Lord rediscovered
Yet there is no one
To share with, this little joy

My mind is elated
A world new it sees
Thats where the Lord dances
With ghouls jumping around in glee
The verses of a Nayanar
Flow through my mind
I bow to the bhakti of Karaikkal Ammaiyar

The verses sung by Karaikkal Ammaiyar Pey bring to light, the intriguing documentation of the workings of a cremation ground. What might appear to be a fearful place, with screaming ghosts pulling out the flesh of burning corpses as they dance around enjoying the meal is a definition that bhakti knows no place, and has no bias to situation. In the middle of this strange theater, Lord Shiva dances as Nataraja, the flames of the corpses light up his stage.

In another work, the tamil poetry of Thirumanthiram, brings to light a different Nataraja. He resides in the Sushumna nadi, his stage is none other but the zone on the forehead between our brow. When the individual spiritual awakening reaches its mark, Nataraja performs on the forehead stage of enlightenment, where the third eye awakens, and issues the light of union with Lord Nataraja.

Yet another reference says Nataraja is the essence of Shi Va Ya Na Ma. He is the energy, the pulse of the sacred syllables that one recites deep within their mind as he dances in the blooming lotus of the heart, the hrudaya kamalam.

I am surrounded by apasmara, I am unable to imagine the Lord, I am distracted by the many people and relationships I am tied into. I am distracted by this maya of which I am a part. I am unable to imagine beyond my capacity, the root essence of Lord Shiva Nataraja. I cry over my miserable state, I cry because I am born in Kaliyuga, I cry because I am not trying hard enough to know and realize the divine presence of Lord Shiva. I am conscious and yet am not. I am awake and yet am not. I observe and yet am blind, what worth am I then in this life?

Wake my soul O Lord Shiva, to the vibration of the sound of your damaru, create in me that zest and that rhythm to live. Burn my desires in the fire bowl you hold, burn me to ash when I merge with you Lord. Guide me to your feet, wash away my apasmara, my nature and my pulse is all but yours to hold. Smash my ego O Lord, I, the miserable apasmara lie below, graced by your divine feet, as you stand crushing my ego to dust. I see the swirl of your jata, i see the graceful ganges dance, I see the sun, the crescent moon, adorn your divine crown. I see the serpent twirl, a jewelled necklace round your neck, I see myself so far down away from this paradise.

And here I sit in silence, watching people around, there is no meaning to see, there is no music to life. I dream of the great Lord dance, the divine natya between my brow, the firey ring forms the third eye on my fore. The fire issues forth, the agni awakens within me, bringing life to Trayambaka the three eyed Lord, the sun and moon dance along. Such is the beauty of Shiva, divine auspitious and warm.

Bhakti delivers this experience,
Bhakti awakens the self,
Bhakti knows no place nor beauty in form.
Bhakti knows no gender
Bhakti knows no judgement.
Bhakti is all that is needed
at home or in a dark cremation ground.
Bhakti is beyond knowledge,
Bhakti is beyond wisdom,
Bhakti is all it takes to reach the kingdom of heaven.
Bhakti is the music
Bhakti is the song
Bhakti is that experience
To watch the great Lord perform.

Photo courtesy: Creative commons, Flickr.com - Ravages Photo stream

Lord Shiva Nataraja, the rhythm of life

The sun shines bright every morning
It never fails to kill the darkness

The clouds burst open into rain
They never fail to bring life giving water

The heart beats on in silent resonance
It never stops to rest a while

Lord Nataraja dances his natya
The world moves on brimming with life

We toil day in and out
In a constant earthly rhythm of karma

I breath my last only to come back
A rhythm of rebirth I cannot escape.

Rhythm, in the silent drumbeat of Lord Shiva, is the silent energy that comes alive to create various events in our lives. There is Shiva everywhere. In the rhythm of the day, in the rhythm of waking up, in that of toil, of worship, of our heart beat, of our regular breath, of an active mind, of action, of result... this is the rhythm of existence, this is the rhythm of creation. This is the sound of the living, this is the moment awoken, this is the presence of life force Shiva.

Rhythm, is sound, is character, that every heart beat pronounces, reminding us that we live on. This sound, the nature of this beat, is the core of the self in the subtle world. If this rhythm stops we cease to exist, we cease to live, we are just matter then... there is no life. This rhythm within the heart needs to bloom into hrudaya kamalam resonating with the very syllables of Lord Shiva.

Rhythm is in the breath, the breath of living that is constant, cool and refreshing, so subtle that we lack the consciousness to be aware of it. This is the rhythm of life, the pulse of living that we are so unaware of. It is this pulse that give the beat to the dance of the Lord Nataraja, the dance of creation, of existence, of live. The force of fresh air as it goes through the ida and the pingala merging them into one as one evolves.

Rhythm in worship is this subtle reality that grows within us. It pronounces the Lord's presence within the peaceful mind. In the rhythm of mantra comes the heart beat of a new life. In the rhythm of this mantra lies supreme concentration. In this rhythm all time stands still. In this rhythm Lord Shiva bless us all. In this rhythm, one can feel the growing presence of the Natya Raja. In this rhythm, he moves and awakens the soul, in this rhythm does one hear the eternal vibrations of OM. In this rhythm does the world of the Gods come alive. In this rhythm does one surrender to the Lord.

Rhythm is in dance, rhythm is in creation, rhythm is in karma, rhythm is in the presence of Lord Shiva as Shiva Nataraja in Abhaya, as he stands on apasmara and crushes ignorance, raising the subtle mind to the pranava mantra OM. The Nataraja Himself takes on this form, raising Himself to make us realize the beauty of this form, as the crescent moon dances on his head, tossing among the gentle locks on his jatamukuta.

The working of this world, the life in every creature, the prosperity of the thriving human race, the immortality of the souls through constant rebirth... this is the pulse of Shiva, the maker, the preserver, the destroyer, this is the rhythm of the universe that finally rests within Him.

Lord Nataraja is the personification of this rhythm, of the pulse, of the element, of the essence Om Na Ma Shi Va Ya.

Related posts:
Mano Laya with Lord Shiva
A Magical dance with Chidambaram Nataraja
A reflection on Lord Shiva
Expression in Abhinaya, the art of Bharata
With the Lord of Chidambaram, I dance

Lord Shiva Mrityunjaya, I silently pray

Today, I have silence in my mind, few words but larger emotions. There is anger within me and there is fear. What would I have done if i was there? It scares me to even think of it, leave alone experience it.

The heart beats on even faster in this eerie silence, I do not know what to say but I feel that fear. where is the world going and this was so close to home! Such massacre, bloodshed and fear reigning around here.

Fear, comes in different forms, when we are imperfect and wish to hide our actions from the world or when its just something we cannot face as a circumstance. Fear makes us remember the Lord a lot lot more and brings us down to our mere humility praying that the Lord's grace will shine bright on us for that moment when the mind is completely engulfed with this feeling as it eats into every cell reducing us to not function half as well.

Fear strikes when the unfamiliar world knocks at our doorstep challenging us to face it with presence of mind and practicality. It checks how much we can hold on before we crack up and break down into misery and suffering. Fear is an emotion that is induced from the external world and that really decides whether we will make it through it or not.

The only way out from fear is prayer, deep prayer, which makes the mind and heart break down into a pool of tears. Prayer that the Lord will listen to and descend upon us to protect us from the impending misery. Thats when the prayer or the mantra comes gushing out from the depths of the heart.

And when death gapes at one straight, I don't know how I would react. I cannot theorize and I cannot comprehend that fear. Yes Lord Shiva left us with a profound piece of sacred syllables, that kill any fear within the heart. At that time, maybe one just has to think only about the 3 eyed Lord, who makes life look like a fragrance so beautiful, that we should enjoy while we live it, and as the moment of death approaches, this mantra give strength, courage so strong that one is probably ready to face the unfamiliar.

If life is lived for the moment, to the fullest, then death is no fear when it comes. Maybe its this craving to live that makes us want to not face death when it comes. Its the most unfamiliar territory, the most painful probably and the one with maximum transition such that one leaves everything behind. This is easier said than done.

Clinging to the Lord for dear life may help, clinging to the sacred syllables for dear strength may help, clinging to Lord Shiva and facing fate may help.

Mrityunjaya RUdraya Neelakanthaya Sambhave|
Amriteshaya Sarvaya Mahadevayadhe Namaha||

To the Lord Mrityunjaya,the victorious over death, to Rudra, To Neelakantha the blue throated, you make it possible to turn my life into a elixir of experiences,into life giving wisdom that immortalizes my being while I live on, to the same Lord Mahadeva I bow and pray humbly as He raises his hand and blesses me in Abhaya.

I am granted this life, to worship him, and immortalize my experience as I grow and become stronger and fearless in my worship.

Today I cried, I cried out all my fears, some in silence and some aloud. I cried, because it shook me, my life, and the news on TV. I didnt know anyone of them, but I couldnt stop crying.

Shiva Dakshinamurthy, Vadapalani, Chennai

This is a way side small temple, with a shrine seeped in history, an ancient temple that still holds out against the invasion of modernity. This temple has a garbha griha that still stays lit up with oil lamps which illuminate the Linga within its interior decked in vilva leaves.

Lord Shiva, grants wishes and specially those that are made from the bottom of one’s heart. As we waited, sweating it out within the innermost prakara, the stillness in the air and the rising smoke create an unforgettable aura.

When the curtains are down, the devotees wait in chattering queues wanting to get a glimpse of the Lord while he still hides behind the curtain, as the priest performs alankaram. And once the curtains are pulled, there is stunned silence for the million lamps that light the inside, describe the beauty and energy of this shrine in a sacred glamour to be found nowhere else.

As one gasps again for breath, this beauty making every one forget their miseries is a moment no one can steal away from any bhakta, its precious, its profound and its sacred bringing such sense of peace that all the chattering is drowned into divine silence. The prayers roll on, and the arti lamps rise, one after the other as the lord is illumined with every lamp brought forward.

Divinity and sacred energy washes every devotee as they take a glimpse of the shrine of Lord Shiva within, and walk out only to turn back occasionally to catch a second glance as they proceed in silence to take their pradakshina. As one walks through the corridor, looking up at Nataraja as he dances within his chamber, his omnipresence envelopes the entire passage. The lights suddenly go out, and the passage is plunged into darkness.

It’s a darkness that transforms the temple back in to the past, to the medieval period, where only the divine lamps glow near the deities within the niches. It’s a different world, as one crosses Dakshinamurthy.

AUM yo brahmaaNaM vidadhaati puurvam.h

yo vai vedaa.nshcha prahiNoti tasmai |
taM ha devamaatmabuddhiprakaashaM
mumukshurvai sharaNamahaM prapadye ||

AUM shaa.ntiH shaa.ntiH shaa.ntiH||

I surrender to Him who projects Brahma at the beginning of all creation and reveals the sacred syllables of the Vedas. This inspiration turns my intellect and my thought towards Atman. May He bestow peace on us forever.

He sits there in silence, the Vedas flowing forth from him, a realm that comes alive, so true and so pure and so far away from the reality we know. Silence grips the air, with the shimmering light of the flickering lamps on his face, as he blesses in abhaya, seated with his divine feet on apasmara. One could stand there forever and wish for the lights never to come back. Walking around this passage, with each emblem of divinity glowing in lamp light brings such beauty to this interior; one begins to wonder, did we make a mistake by putting these electric lamps around here? As our minds seep into this reality, short lived yet worth every moment, one can see the divinity of Lord Dakshinamurthy come alive. In the still air the expression of wisdom and divine light glow on His face as he continues to teach in the subtle world:

naanaachchhidraghaTodarasthitahaadiipaprabhaabhaasvaraM
GYaanaM yasya tu chakshuraadikaraNadvaaraa bahiH spandate |
jaanaamiiti tameva bhaantamanubhaatyetatsamastaM jagat.
tasmai shriigurumuurtaye nama idaM shriidakshiNaamuurtaye ||

He whose light gleams through the senses like the light emanating from a pot with holes (in which a lamp is kept), He whose knowledge alone brings the state of knowing (I am That), He whose brightness makes everything shine - to that Dakshinamurti, who is embodied in the auspicious Guru, I offer my profound salutations.

In ancient India, fire has been considered supreme. Fire is the path of enlightenment, the path of worship and the path of light. Why then destroy this experience with electric lights that brighten up the interior so much, it kills the very beauty of the “garbha griha” and the path around. Darkness is what our lives are made of and enlightenment through fire is what brings us salvation. A small example of this profound experience was what these temples tried to bring to us and we simply destroyed it with stark electric lights that kill the very experience we long for when we come here.

Temple authorities need to bring back that ancient glory that ancient divinity prescribed in our Vedas, divine verses that prescribe that temples are meant for realization of this sacred truth… Why then is this desecration to a sacred shrine accepted as a part of life?

Why then are the priests who are the seekers of enlightenment, reducing themselves to mechanical worshippers? Why then are the priests who are learned and the keepers of our faith disrespecting the very value of our sacred texts? How then can we blame anyone else for the loss of knowledge of our own culture? Are they not solely to blame? Why don’t they realize that they owe us, the answers to these very very serious questions They owe us an answer as to why corruption and materialism has taken over their minds when this country boasts of its spiritualism. What really is left of it?

raahugrastadivaakarendusadR^isho maayaasamaachchhaadanaat
sanmaatraH karaNopasa.nharaNato yo.abhuutsushhuptaH pumaan|
praagasvaapsamiti prabodhasamaye yaH pratyabhiGYaayate
tasmai shriigurumuurtaye nama idaM shriidakshiNaamuurtaye ||

The brillance of sun exists even when intercepted by Rahu during eclipse. Similarly, the power of cognition only remains suspended during deep sleep. The Self exists as pure being even though unrecognized due to the veil of Maya. A person on awakening becomes aware that he was asleep earlier (and the dream was unreal). Similarly, a person who awakens to the consciousness of the Self recognizes his previous state of ignorance as unreal. He by whose grace alone does one awaken to the consciousness of the Self - to that Dakshinamurti, who is embodied in the auspicious Guru, I offer my profound salutations.

Divine light and divine experience need to be experienced, and the ambience of these ancient temples were designed to facilitate this. In these times where spiritualism barely has any presence left, its left to one's own desire to want to discover Lord Dakshinamurthy.

Shiva Bhikshatana and Mata Annapurni at Varanasi

"Bhikshaan Dehi... Bhikshaan Dehi"

This echo at the door brings every lady of the house, every grihasta to offering annam, or rice as food for the mendicants who come by. These mendicants were intellects of a superior kind and society considered it an honor to serve them. One such story has been previously mentioned in the life of Kaaraikkal Ammaiyar who fed a mendicant a mango, a Shiva Yogi who came to her door step.

This is one of many instances where Shiva Bhikshatana has walked into the lives of people and blessed them by coming to their doorstep or by holding a dialog with them questioning the practise of the very knowledge they have been enlightened with. This was in the case of Adi Shankaracharya, who seemed to have a slight touch of arrogance?! about his status as an enlightened soul. The Manishapanchakam is the enlightening dialog between an untouchable sweeper surrounded by dogs who met this great saint in the streets of Varanasi near the Kashi Vishwanath temple.

As Shankara walked by, he signalled for the untouchable to move as he walked to the main temple. The sweeper, surrounded by dogs with a stick in the hand asked Shankara whether the sun made a difference between the Ganges and the water by the homes of the untouchables where its reflection fell? How then is the atman of a sweeper any different from the atman within him, an enlightened soul? Even the greatest of enlightened souls was questioned over his pride of being knowledgable.

Here are two instances, where Shiva Bhikshatana has made a mark in the lives of two people in recorded history, one a lady serving him at her doorstep, and another was an enlightened saint of his time.

This very same form that Adi Shankara saw and recognized as Lord Shiva is the same form that is seen within the walls of the Kashi Vishwananth temple within the shrine chamber of Swarna Annapurni.
Annapurni Mata, an incarnation of Goddess Parvati resides here at Varanasi, promising all mortals that there is food and prosperity promised to all. Shiva Bhikshatana resides here as a naked mendicant to whom she serves food with her own hands.

Lord Bhikshatana and Mata Annapurni do not represent abundance of food in the literal sense. The divine couple have the same message to give to the mortal world be it Kaaraikkal Ammaiyar who fed a mendicant food, or to Adi Shankara who was given enough food for thought despite being a superior soul with intellect.

Bhiksha, can be food for sustenance, bhiksha can be food of enlightenment. The mother is resourceful, a provider of knowledge as well as one who wipes out hunger. She is the life force, the energy that drives one to want, to be passionate to know, to realize the truth of their divine existence. It is Shiva Bhikshatana who enlightens even the enlightened, and makes them realize that the truth of his form as Bhikshatana, as the teacher, is beyond the arrogance of written knowledge. In his world, Bhiksha is the need for divine knowledge, to fulfill the purpose of realizing oneself, and therefore even the most superior intellects walk with a bowl, the brahma kapala, that which is the humble request to the Lord to grant divine knowledge and kill the hunger of the bhakta.

As the Shree Annapoornaashtakam goes...

Annapoorna Sadaa Poorne Shankarapraana Vallabhe| Gyaanavairagya Siddhayartam Bhikshaan Dehi Cha Paarvati|| Maataa Cha Paarvati Devi Pitaa Devo Maheshwara| Baandavaa Shivabhaktaakshcha Swadesho Bhuvanatrayam||
Annapoorne – the wife of Lord Shiva;
Sadapoorne – who is always full of resources; She who is full of food;
Sankara – of Lord Sankara(Shiva);
Prana – the life-force; energy;
Vallabhe – the beloved;
Jnana – knowledge;
Vairagya – attitude of renunciation;
Siddhyartham – to fulfill the purpose of;
Bhiksham – alms, food;
Dehi – give us;
Namostute – we bow down to You

In the mortal world to Goddess Annapurni I pray:

Bhikshaam dehi kripaa valambanakaree maataannapoornesvaree||

In the intellectual world of realizing one self and surrendering to Lord Maheshwara I pray:

Shivaya Nama Om Shiva Lingaya Nama Om| Atmaya Nama Om Atma Lingaya Nama Om||

Related topics:
Shiva Bhikshatana - the enchanting mendicant.
He presents Himself
Shiva Bhairava - The naked mendicant
Jyotirlinga - Kasi Vishwanath, Varanasi
Enlightenment on the streets of Varanasi

Photo courtesy:
Chennaionline.com
tamilnation.org

KAraikkAl AmmaiyAr - a woman among the 63 Nayanmars

Karaikkal Ammaiyar, 6th Century.

The highlight of Ammaiyar's story is that she asked Lord Shiva for a boon, one that would reduce her youth to a skeleton, demonic in appearance and would cease to be a distraction in her eternal devotion to the Lord.

The mysterious element in this Nayanmar's life is that her songs to the Lord are of a specific flavor, that brings alive an aspect of Shaivism fairly unknown in these times - the Aghori path of Shiva belief. As her story reveals, she was given 2 mangoes by her husband to keep safely so that he could have it during his meal. Reference has been made to a Shiva yogi who visited their house in his absence and she gives him one of the fruits with curd rice.

Drawing parallels, the Mangani Tirunal festival observed on Purnima in the month of Aani in Tamil Nadu, is a time when this incident is re-enacted and people are served mangoes and curd rice, the belief being that it was Shiva Bhikshatana who roamed around the world collecting alms and reached the door of KAraikkAl Ammaiyar. Shiva Bhikshatana's appearance can be paralleled with the aghori babas and naga baba's appearance where he is a naked mendicant, the difference being, he is also extremely sensuous and attractive.

Coming to some of the verses sung by KAraikkAl AmmaiyAr, her descriptions of Shiva Bhikshatana or Shiva Rudra residing in the cremation ground, render a stomach churning experience should one try to visualize this form!

Quoted from the " thiruviraTTai maNimAlai"

His matted hair of ruddy gold is adorned
With Konrai flowers which are buzzed and kindled
By chafers; there the serpent of venomous sacs stands hissing:
Such is He, the long-haired Brahmin.
He is indeed the Lord who will not passively witness
The misery of worshippers who hail Him

*Konrai: Cassia ; Indian Laburnum
*chafers: a type of beetle

O heart, for ever hail Him who is Sankara, the One
Of matted hair that dangles low, the righteous One who
On that matted hair sports a soaring serpent and the One
Who on that day saves you from the onslaught of misery.

* that day is the day of one’s death

Other forms of Shiva that are made references to:

Tripurantaka Shiva;
In the world of eternal bliss, do what I bid you.
He, the Hero annihilated the triple citadels of His-foes;
He is eight shouldered, Bow, with delay none, at His feet
Which are like pure and fresh gold; be poised
In His worship for days without end.

Neelakantha Shiva:
He is the Lord of the supernal world; His asterism is betelgeuse;
His throat is dark with the aalaalam that He ate; they that chant
His mystic pentad—the chief of mantras--, adore Him and come by
The true import, can (alone) behold His feet of ruddy gold.

aalaalam: Halaahalaa poison that oozed out during the churning of the ocean.

O Righteous Lord that wears the heroic anklet!
The dry and strong-mouthed ghouls standing sing Your praise;
Bhootas stand and adore You; the great crematory is
Your theatre where You dance and dance. How is it
That You sped an arrow from Your bow and caused
The triple citadels of the Asuras to get gutted with fire?

How are we to attain Him in love?
The snake that dances on His person
Will suffer none to come near it;
Moreover, all that we behold before us
Are only a row of skulls and white bones.
Besides He but rides, in delight, a bull.

The description of the cremation ground, the theater where he performs has been vividly described in the another song of KArraikAl AmmaiyAr. Such a description brings alive the other side of the cremation ground, one that we humans do not get to witness, one that KArraikAl AmmaiyAr is a part of, in possible disbelief to the mortal world as she narrates what she sees.

Excerpts from the thiruvAlangATTu mUththa thiruppadhikam:

Fat melts and wets the ground, and the long toothed and sunken eyed ghouls observe this and enact the dance of tunangkai. They look around and put out the fire of the pyres eating the corpses to their hearts content and feel delighted, it is in such a fitting crematory, holding fire in his hand that the handsome Lord dances.

Jackals tug and draw away the stinking white heads punctured by birds, owls raise a hue and cry, owlets wave their wings, barn owls stare down and frighten those who look at them, and foxes howl around in great urgency. Such is this great charnel house, and it is here that the great Lord desires to perform his dance.

It was a corpse that a ghoul was not sure of as it advanced and pointed a finger at it screaching aloud. The ghoul roared and threw a fire at it yet not being sure of what it was. Frightened by the corpse, the ghoul ran far and beats its own stomach in bewilderment, observed by many other ghouls who took to their feet in sheer fear. It is in such a crematory that the Lord in the guise of a mad man dances.

Scorched by the rising flames, charred is the firewood, brains seep out of broken crania, cacti wilt in the heat, such is the fierce crematory where the wood apple trees abound, it is indeed his place of rest. It is in this wilderness that the Lord dances, with tiger skin as his girt and a spotted antelope dangling off his shoulder, he lights up this stage with his dance of destruction.

He sports the crescent moon on his matted hair, he forever dances his twirling dance, his waist is girdled with a serpent. Who ever by His grace is able to sing and dance out the poetry of KAraikkAl Pey(ghost), one with a fiery mouth and sharp teeth, who abides in the crematory will be freed of all sins.

This is the reality of the cremation ground, a description so vivid of activities when humans leave the bodies of the dead to burn by night. As jackals depict Shakti in the form of Kali Nayan Tara, and Lord Shiva dances among ghouls who feast on corpses as they witness his fiery movements, this world beyond death is a narrative that we capture in bhakti of a very different kind.

The life and immortal presence of this Nayanar, reveals that bhakti knows no bias, that love and music for the Lord can be found even in the wierdest of places where fear reigns supreme. Her narrative reveals a world beyond us, where the nature of ghosts includes that of feeling fear and joy, where their meal is absorbing the nurishment of burning corpses, where their company is that in the presence of foxes, jackals and owls in an ambience of the night as the crackling fire eats into wood and human remains perishing in the flames bringing alive the terrific world of Aghora.

Read her complete story.

Related topics:
Shamshan Tara, a form of Kali
Kalighat - Where death meets you face to face
Kalika Mata at Kalighat, a sacred Shakti Peetha
Taraka Mantra - Passage to heaven
Manikarnika Ghat: Where life meets the world beyond

Content courtesy: shaivam.org
Picture courtesy: Metropolitan museum of Art, natarajar.blogspot.com

The world of Kamakshi Amman

Archarya Muka Kavi (Mukharbhaka), the 20th Acharya of Kanci Matt in the 4th cen A.D. quotes:

"I am desirous of constantly thinking of that form that which is pleasing to those living on the banks of the Kampa river, placing the very life of the Cakora bird (which survives on drinking the rays of the moon) on her head and the very seed of eternal bliss.

I bow to that all pervading deity who is the sound of the Vedas, the waves of the Nada, the energy of the circular bindu, the moon that which was born in the world of parapada, syllables of mantra, practice of tantra, the cause of one and all in their natural condition and the effect of all in their varied forms which fill the universe."

These are one among the many stanzas sung by an ancient poet towards Kamakshi, the mother of love. His expression in his poetry vividly describe the mother, her beauty and her assets, as it would appear in reality should we also possess such divine grace (divya dristi)

Even if I had to equate divya dristi to profound visual imagination within the mind (ref:Vishnudharmottara), there definitely is more to this method of thinking and worship. We as human do imagine, we have the capability to visually fantasize of recreate within our minds, a reality quite different from what we see around us. When this imagination is not an offspring of what nature offers us (like say a hybrid creature that you would see in star wars) but is self created and bears no resemblance to what we see in reality, we have then entered this profound and evolved region of imagination.

There is more to this power that the mind is capable of, meaning, the potential of the mind/brain is far more than we have exercised upon. Different poets and saints at different times have defined the beauty of Devi, and though all of them witnessed her divine presence through the mind's eye, or imagination as we know it, they in a very uncanny way saw the very same vision. She appeared the same to all of them, meaning, if we tried hard enough, we can commune with the divine through a mechanism that can be exercised through our minds.

To improve this we have mantra, tantra, yantra, puja, bhakti etc. which condition us to pave the way for the divine to access our control centers. We need to segregate time for our minds, into mundane existence which we ideally should not place so much importance on and shift the focus towards this control center. That is why in meditation they say, control your thoughts, meaning, reduce the noise in your head so that you can hear the divine speak.

This science is beyond everything, and it cannot be proven except by personal experience and if we are really that interested to make better sense of our existence, we would take it up as a serious approach to life with every breath that passes us by. So why are we wasting time getting further stuck in this maya of mundane life when we can clearly see the method to proceed towards divinity. Why is it so tough to focus the mind on something intangible because of lack of familiarity? Why is our own inadequacy proving to be our deadliest enemy? Why are we accepting defeat before we even got started to really understanding what is beyond? Why do we think “it’s difficult, I can’t do it”?

All we need is the deep urge to want to keep looking at the Mother, melt in one’s own humility towards the presence and beauty of the mother that lives in every speck of kumkum dust that adorns her feet. Kamakshi Amman is life breath, she is energy that wakes the life in every nadi within our system, she is the energy within the circular bindu, she is the essence of the Vedas that roll out silently from Dakshinamurthy Shiva, and she is divinity unimaginable.

Isn’t that the same feeling that Archarya Muka Kavi had when he penned down his devotion into sacred texts centuries ago?

Narad Ghat, Varanasi - path through the after life

I am just the thought, I am just the memory; I am just the energy that has departed from my body as the mortal world brings what’s left of me down to cremation. I am history, I do not exist, and all those moments I spent trying tirelessly to get a better standard of living looks futile, now that I have left it behind. As the mortal world wakes up to this mournful truth, what worth was my life to me?

In this world I have just come to, I descend the steps of transition beyond death, where Yama awaits, to lead the way ahead. I have left the world I knew, I no longer know where to go or what to do. I am pure energy as I watch; the final rights take place for my soul. This body I left now lies there lifeless, clothed in flowers and washed in the Ganges. What was the worth of my life to me?

They place me on the funeral pyre, the sky blends into twilight as the hymns rise to calm the aura around me. I can hear the jingling anklets of the Ganges as she sweeps by me, I can hear the hymns as they rise around me and I can feel Mata Annapurni as she picks me and lays me like a baby, in this new world, on her lap to set me free. The fire rises, the smoke climbs, I have begun my journey. I hear the sweet notes of the Mrityunjaya as Lord Shiva finally comes to me. I lay here, bathed in the last moments of worldly attention, the last gift of mankind to me, as I wonder what the worth of my life was to me.

I am the soul that watches on, I am the fire that eats into my being; I am the ash that is left of me. I feel the warm feet of Kali as they press me down calming me, one foot she places on my leg, the other she covers over my heart. In the raging fires, her sweet smile cools my soul. I offer my head, my balidaan to the mother, as my head she lovingly takes in her hand. Out there in the mortal world the crowd watches on as a bamboo is smashed over my head. The skull cracking noise, they set me free, I have left this world, but what worth was my mortal life to me?

This surging energy, this warmth of the Mother, as the guiding force of Yama, leads me on to the sweet smile of the Lord. I am one, I am none, I am and I am not. I am the smile you put up on your wall, I am that energy gone, I was and now I am not, yet what good was that life to me?

This state is not a world, not life, not anything you and I can define, this state is what the mind would reckon, this state is what they tried to reveal. This state is what you really are; this state is what you were always meant to be. This state is Shiva, this state is shakti, this state is energy, this state is beyond the limits of my mortal remains. This state is what I will be within the womb of my mortal mother when I re-enter this world called life. Yet, what was the worth of my previous life to me?

Shakti is the mortal carrier, Shiva the potent seed, dormant to be awoken when I re-enter. The union was sacred, the union was essential to lay the path for me. I am shakti, I am life, I am energy that awakens within this womb, life that we relate to, life that we witness, life for which we try to reach some form of immortality. And yet I wonder why I need another life, another tiring journey when I still don’t know the worth of the previous life to me.

I am soma, I am skanda, I am the pulse of immortality. I am the resultant energy of the universe, one that is born out of the union of Mahadeva Shiva and Parvati. I am amrita; I am the portion of immortality that wakes up again into a new life within the womb of my new mother. Karma has brought me back, karma pushes me to rebirth. I am born again, into another life, to elevate myself, to bring this down to equilibrium, to nothingness, to release myself for good, and rise and go to Kailasa, to go to Vaikunta, to the supreme energy that calls me home.