A Sweet Smile of Sublime Beauty

It was the first glimpse I caught of her, she appeared settled on the sacred seat within the sanctum of the Kanchi temple. Kamakshi Amman smiled back at me in quiet demeanor. My thoughts flew off my mind as my eyes rolled over every aspect of the sanctum, taking her form in. Her face smeared with sandal wood housed the most beautiful smile and her eyes gazed straight back at me.

My heart welled up with emotions, my mind rested blankly in a void, and I just gazed back at her. We have known each other for a while now, our relationship has evolved in quiet silence. She is everything to me and she had called me back to Kanchipuram again unexpectedly, as I drove down the geriatric folks of my family to her doorstep. I wasn’t going to miss this for anything. The corporate world could wait a day for me, for when she called, every body would wait. It was a crazy day, with a customer visit lined up in the afternoon, I had taken the chance. She had called and I found myself hitting the highway to Kanchipuram with an eye on the time to reach my workplace by lunch. It was a crazy schedule but the heart clearly ruled the mind as I sped up the road to reach her world.

I stared back at those divine eyes, they spoke to me in their silence. I observed her chamber, she was warm even in the distance that separated her from me. I was simply speechless feeling every moment of the void in my head. With emotions welling up in my heart I just took every bit of her into myself. I had been blessed to witness her “vishwaroopa darshanam”, a glorious view of her I had never seen before, a form she blesses us with once every year. She oozed with charm, beauty flowed through every part of her being as she stared back at me, I recollected the sweet verses of the Soundarya Lahari. Oh yes, she was every bit an ocean of beauty, of compassion, and of warmth and unconditional love.

The emotions I feel towards her, are those I would never be able to feel towards anybody else. There is so much love for her that wells up when I see her. I know she is there, welcoming in the warmth of the lamp light that brightens her face. She had called me, and I had dashed to her door step, quite literally to learn what it is to love her again, to feel the divine grace envelop me as I stood there mesmerized by her beauty. The chamber was different today for a cow stood at the ardha mandapa with her calf cozy at her feet. The cow stared back at me quite comfortable with strangers around her. There was no one in the chamber, just the divine mother and me, and we connected in silence, in emotions, in strange love that left me detached from the rest of the world. Nothing mattered, expect her. Nothing was important except her. Nothing existed except her. Nothing drove me to such a level of intense love except her. Nothing was more powerful than the void that hung inside my head. Was this what I felt, unconditional love, sweet surrender, a crazy sense of freedom from every aspect of my life. I felt freedom for those few minutes, when no one mattered, because no one existed, I was and she was and nothing else was.

I looked at her feeling a deep sense of bliss. The state of overpowering intense love and a blank mind was hard to come by, I was there at this moment, a tremendous sense of peace draped my being. This is what I called freedom, I belonged no where, I belonged to no one, and yet I was hers to own. I knew no time for she was all that stood. I felt no desire or attachment for she was all the truth I knew. Such depth of freedom and detachment from the bonded world around me made me realize just how much no one owned me. I was alone here, without rules, without any sense of connection to what I thought was the universe around me. I knew then that I am a potent drop of intense love in her ocean of beauty reflected in that divine smile on her sacred face, in pure sublime union with the Goddess.

I am her, she is me and that is the only truth I behold.

Through The Grace of Kamakshi Amman

Yesterday I was blessed with another year of life, another year of living within this human prison, and I felt there may just be more purpose to my existence. The yearning was back, the calling grew stronger and for some reason I had the strong urge to go to Kanchipuram to seek the divine Mother. 

I get crazy spiritual ideas, that may not make sense to anyone but they are paramount to me and I follow them more than any other rule ever written. I had the deep urge to wear rudraksha constantly, and sure enough quality thoughts flowed in during puja. It’s a time when I get instruction, it’s when I read every thought as divine grace, and it’s when I am conscious of which thoughts to kill and which ones to keep. During puja, I wait without expectation, without much wishing and seek the next steps as they pour in from the divine world into my little mind. And I just take what’s given, no arguments for the ego is dead at that moment. 

The calling was loud, the thought persisted and the steps unfolded in my mind. I was not very far from the day I was born years ago, and I had to do things really fast. I was advised to take the rudraksha that I had worshiped with the Lord for the past several years and string them into a strong chain. There was a need for haste and I rushed over to the jewelers shop with my little precious rudrakshas to get them strung. I was thankful they arrived well ahead of time. They were consecrated at the feet of Tara Ma and stayed there for three days being worshiped.

Finally the night arrived, and though I planned to get sleep early, I could barely catch a wink, it was the first time, and I had spent the week mustering up my courage and fears to hit the road to Kanchipuram on the highway alone, and now the time had come. Up fresh at 3:00am and ready to go, I hit the road at 4:00am. The night sky was gloomy, the winds were strong and the rain had wet the roads. I had to be careful with my speed and through the highway with occasional vehicles around me, it was a crazy drive into the darkness. It was amazing for not a thought of fear ever struck me on the road. I felt free, free of bondage, free of humankind, free of karma, free of everything... I was driving into oblivion and enjoying every moment of it. 

As I neared kanchipuram, I realized I might just make it in time for the Abhishkam of the great Mother. How lucky would I be! Armed with a gorgeous Saree, a garland of lotus flowers and some Archana offerings, I confidently walked in towards the sanctum. The crowds were huge and on this auspicious day of Chitra Pournami, I was just glad I was born on this day. I reached behind the main sanctum and placed my request to the security guard. While he couldn't promise me anything, he allowed me through to have an up-close darshan of the Mother. Seated in front of her, absorbing her divine presence, every anxiety to want to see her just flew off the mind. She was there, in front of me, in my heart and for now... my mind went blank. I shook in my seat, observing every bit of her form, her graceful body as she sat on her seat, getting ready for her bath. The shastris took the garland and the saree, while I held on to the silver chain that held my precious rudrakshas with me. I handed it over to the main priest, who was in silence right through the entire operation. He worked with gestures and the security guard deftly unfolded their meaning. (Reminded me of Karz for a brief moment, except that he didn't tap on a glass)

The rudrakshas lay on the Mother's lap absorbing all her divine grace while my heart worked hard to fill itself with love for the Mother, and my eyes worked even harder etching her form into my mind and I sat still for as long as I could, not disturbing any of the functions underway. In a short while, the head priest came back, returning the rudrakshas to me and having learned the strict aachaaram being followed I raised my hands but carefully didn't meet the eyes of the priest. He threw a pomegranate at me in typical Brahmin style, and I scrambled over the floor trying to catch it. (clearly I don’t play cricket yet with my kid) 

I rose up, thinking this was the end for I wasn't permitted to continue sitting there to watch the abhishekam. He gestured me to see the other forms of the Goddess on the other side of the inner sanctum wall. This was a blissful moment intellectually for I learned of Varahi, Annapurni, Lakshmi, Mahishasuramardhini, Bhairava and a lot of other Goddesses who sat within the niches of this great shrine. Clearly during the Chola time, this temple was not as large as it is today, it was way smaller. The Vijayanagar Kings had added the other prakaras to this temple over a period of centuries and now they had merged so well into each other... the difference could hardly be seen. But this is a tantrik strong hold, and I love every bit of this shrine. Adi Shankara had got it so perfectly right. 

I was ushered out of the chamber, and sent back to the guard. I was happy though I looked at him with a stray hope to get a glimpse of the abhishekam. He pointed me to another guard who took me to a seat directly in front of the mother, on a higher platform outside the sanctum. I was excited, I didn't ask for this, from here it was a bonus. I sat through the entire abhishekam, reciting Mrityunjaya swaying with the flow of the Mother being bathed inside the shrine. Every version of her looked gorgeous and Adi Shankarcharya was not exaggerating when he wrote the lines describing her form. They described her so well, I am tempted to go back again and read the Soundarya Lahari and map it to the etching in my mind.

She is straight backed, voluptuous, and slim. She follows the tenets of the making of a beautiful woman, she was the personification of that form. The curtains were drawn and the crowds went silent. I will never get enough of her, I knew that for sure. They drew the curtains again and this time she was ready, all her alankaram in place, she just looked every bit a bride, every bit a lover, every bit a damsel, every bit the great Mother, every bit ... 

We were asked to get up to leave, the security guard sent me back to the earlier one and I was ready to pay what every he wanted. I was just so thrilled. I stood at the back of the sanctum, as I watched the head priest gesture in his silence, frantically asking for me to come in. I quietly walked in, not knowing what to expect. I was quickly palmed off to another priest who I figured was his brother. He asked me about myself, my where about and placed a vcard into my hand. I was confused but took it anyway. He told me to mail him and render any help that I could towards their website. 

I was sent back into the sanctum, this time made to sit in front of the Mother again, and the whole thing played out once more, I saw her up close, this beautiful bride, this celestial being from heaven, this great Mother of Love. I quickly handed over the rudrakshas back to the priest and requested him to place it over the Sri Chakra. It was the only pending item in my divine list of activities. I was sent back to varahi and after bowing to all the Goddess around me, I returned back to the Great Mother. The chain was handed over, and the priest spoke with a lot of respect, considering he had been shouting at all the other folk, I was very lucky. As I turned to leave, the head priest broke his silence... all he said was "Call me when you get home". 

I nodded and walked out without paying anyone anything. The purity of Brahmin culture was visible for a few seconds thanks to the divine grace of the Mother, as I paid the security guard handsomely for his effort. I was fulfilled with the experience, fulfilled with the calling, fulfilled with the strong belief that the Divine Mother indeed communicates with me in her strange way. I walked out on to the streets of Kanchi, free from bondage, free from attachment, free into the world of divine love as the warm sun blessed me with its light. I felt I was finally home, and more than anything else, I felt deep down that Tara Ma had reappeared in the form of Kamakshi Amman. Divine grace had touched me again and I couldn't have asked for a better gift on my birthday.

In The Presence Of Kamakshi Amman.

It was a bright Saturday morning and the crowd had begun to gather at the Kamakshi Amman temple, Kanchipuram. We waited patiently for our turn while I inquired about the best darshan possible. Once the negotiations were done we were moved to another queue behind the sacred shrine. 

Our turn soon came and we walked through the door that led to Her shrine. It was a good darshan for about fifteen minutes and we got a close(I should say very close) view of the Goddess. My mind just went blank, my thoughts ceased and I stared at Her, at Her shrine, at the peetham that cradled the Sri Chakra. I stared at it all and my eyes took in everything that my consciousness would allow. There was silence in my mind, no thought even dared to float by and none of the audience around me spoke. I appreciated the brilliance that silence can produce inside a packed garbha griha, oil lamps lit up Her beautiful face. There was peace between her brow, like She knew all and she had finally called me to visit her. It was the very same sacred spot from where the great Shankaracharya had given up His earthly existence. It was beyond time, the curtain of Maya hung thick between them and us, a curtain so heavy that it is not easy to remove. 

And then the spell broke, in the din a group of people were being moved out and the next batch had been readied. It was high on business as the priests ushered all of us out of the tiny room with no respect for the elderly folk. These were the blessed attendants of the Goddess and I would do anything to get their job, to be with Her and worship Her, like the great Shankaracharya did. It baffled me that this power center that I could see so clearly given its supreme effect on me, was completely lost on them. 

Here were two stark worlds, inter-spaced by noise and silence, by a thick invisible curtain of illusion that reflected the moment, when the brutal whip of Maya came striking down on us. How unfortunate we are that we carry the curse around our necks and dont want to let go towards that freedom, which is just a step away. The noise killed my ears, the people were as good as sheep being chased around by a group of ignorant shepherds who for some reason believed that they were the keepers of the faith. 

But I noticed one thing. Strangely, I had changed. I smiled at the Brahmin priest and thanked him for helping us get this darshan and he smiled back in acknowledgment. I felt no anger, no sorrow, no resignation towards the sad fate of Hindy temples, I felt at peace with myself as I carried Her smile in my mind. I was her temple and she had taken residence in my heart, in my mind, and transformed me. No brahmin priest belonged here, it was my temple and I was Her soul keeper. 

To the Goddess of love, who has taken residence in my heart, who has shown promise to raise this curtain of illusion, I am silent to the world but I carry your image, your smile, your love in my heart every day. 

What a brilliant Darshan that was! 

Bindu Visarga - A drop of moon on the crown of Tripura Sundari

Tripura Sundari Mandir, Banswara Rajasthan

In the definition of Kundalini, this is the source of creation, represented by the dot or Bindu in the center of the Sri Chakra. The Bindu means the drop or the point, or literally Bindu Visarga which is the falling of the drop. This is represented by the crescent moon and a white drop which is the nectar that is dripping down from the Vishuddhi chakra. It is the ultimate source of immortality, that state which is called bliss when this chakra is activated through sadhana.

"From that Bindu came ether, air, fire, water, earth and the letters of the alphabet" - Kama Kala Vilasa

The Bindu is connected with the Vishuddhi Chakra and its seat is at the back of the head, typically where brahmins leave a tuft of hair growing. It is believed during sandhya, the brahmin ties this tuft of hair tighter, and while he practices mantra, he develops a powerful and continuing awareness of this Bindu point. This is one of the traditional methods of accessing the Bindu Visarga consciously.

In Tantra, Bindu is depicted by the crescent moon on a moonlit night. The Bindu is closely related to the kalas, that is the waxing and waning of the moon. The Bindu gives a hint towards the vast void beyond, the Sahasrara. It is said when the Bindu is awakened, the sound of OM is heard within the self. It is also believed that this Bindu, or the moon, produces a very intoxicating secretion, which is nectar or ambrosia or amrita or soma. At this point, the bhakta enters the state of complete bliss and is no longer dependent on the world for sustenance.

Other explanations to the same Bindu define this as the red and the white Bindu, where the red represents the Goddess, alias blood of menstruation. White represents the sperm or shukla. The red Bindu is established as the sun and the white Bindu as the moon, representing the ida and the pingala. There are various interpretations to what the Bindu really is, but what strikes out most is that which is depicted on the crown of Goddess Tripura Sundari or that of the great Lord Kameshwara.

This is a phenomenon that renders the bhakta immortal, supreme and one with the divine. Great sages have made this secret phenomenon understandable to the masses by simple depiction. Simple depiction that hides within itself a supreme phenomenon unknown until contemplated upon.

This is embedded in the depiction, in the music, in the verses, in the songs to the great Goddess Kamakshi, Tripura Sundari. Quoting...

Tripurasundari Vijaya Sthava
[Ode of Victory to Tripurasundari]

Lakshya bhakthi rasardhra hruthsarasije sadbhi sadaradhitha|
Sandrananda mayi sudhakara kala gandojjwalanmoulike||
Sarvani sarana gatharthi samani sachinmayee sarvadha|
Srichakradhi nivasini, vijayathe Srirajarajeswari|| 14

Victory to the Goddess who resides in the center of the Sri Chakra, who lives among those hearts drenched in devotion towards her. She resides in the realm of happiness among those good. She wears the crescent moon on her crown and is the consort of Lord Shiva in her all pervasive form. She consoles those who seek protection in her, who is true knowledge, who is wisdom, who is Bindu, who is bliss all within the self.

Hreengarathraya saputathi mahatha manthrena sampoojitha|
Hothri Chandra sameerana agni jala bhobaswannabhoroopini||
Hamsa sohamithi prakrushtadishanair aradhitha yogibhi|
Srichakradhi nivasini, vijayathe Srirajarajeswari|| 15

Victory to the Goddess Rajarajeshwari who resides at the center of the Sri Chakra, who is invoked by the great chant in the three hreem, who is in the sacred offerings, moon, air, fire, water, earth, sun and sky. Who is worshiped by great yogis who look upon her in the divine form of Hamsa Soham.

Tripura Thilakam
[The Ornament to the Tripurasundari]

Eeshashad unmishada marthya sakhi kusumaavalee vimala tharakaa|
Vrunda Sundara sudhamsu ganda subhagee kruthathi guru kaishikaam||
Neelakunchithga naalakaam nitalabhooshanayatha vilochanaam|
Neelakandasukruthonnatheem, sathathasraye Tripurasundareem|| 3

My heart depends on the Goddess Tripura Sundari who is the greatest treasure of Lord Shiva, who is beauty described in her dense crown of hair which is embellished by the crescent moon she wears, that is surrounded by the very stars of the night sky. This appears like a fully opened flower of the Kalpaga tree. Among her blue locks of hair that gently flow down her crown, and frame her half open eyes that are like lilies blooming in the full moon night.

Lakshm aheena vidhu lakshanairjjitha vichakshanana saroruham|
Yikshukarmuka sarasanopamitha chillkayugamamathallikam||
Lakshaye manasi santhatham sakala dushkrutha kshaya vidhayineem|
Uksha vahana thapo vibhuthimahadaksharam Tripurasundarim|| 4

My mind remains awake towards the Goddess Tripura Sundari, who is beauty personified within the lotus face she has, growing like that of a million moons, and has teeth like the bow of a sugarcane of the God of love, who reduces the effect of all bad acts done, whose blessings is the greatest gift gotten from the worship of Lord Shiva.

The realm of the Goddess, the awakening of the Bindu is a drop of moonlight that descends into the consciousness of the Bhakta awakening him into the Sahasrara, the path to the realization of the void, of the universe beyond. The experience of this is probably far, but the very thought that the moon makes a poetic drop of elixir, brings intrigue and mystery into the subtlety of this great phenomenon, represented by a silver glow of the crescent moon on the face of the Goddess.

References:
Kundalini Tantra: Swamy Satyananda Saraswati, Bihar school of Yoga
Vedanta Spiritual Library.

Part3 - Through the eyes of Goddess Kamakshi

The goddess who brings out Lord Shiva's more subdued quiet side is Kamakshi Amman, residing within her kumkum-smeared chamber seems to have the supreme power that brings to light the pleasant nature of the Lord.

Kamakshi Amman, with the moon on her crown, silently resides in her chamber, warm, pleasant and ever loving. She appears to be far away but is closest to the Lord at Kailasa. Another form of Parvati herself, Kamakshi Amman is exuberant, taking on various forms, Kali being one of them. In the silent chamber she stays, the Lord is heard in her heartbeat.

Within the walls of a temple
The silent mother stands
Dressed in all her finery
Glowing from within
She blesses the world

The crescent moon glows
On her crown across her brow
Like twinkling stars they shine
The jewelery on her glow
O mother sweet mother of mine

Within the icy abode
Of mount Kailasa she resides
The consort of the Lord
Forever on his side
Watching the world go by

The darkness of the night they kill
The crescent moon shines forth
The snake dances with a jeweled crown
The only light to behold
A loving game of dice

The ganas dance, nandi looks on
Kamakshi Amman rolls the dice of love
Sweetness from her hands it flows
Music to my ears
A coy smile, a giggle here

She brings his wild self down
She embraces him close
Forever they stay knotted in love
The sun and moon descend
Into the ocean of love below

A call to the Lizard

Varadaraja Perumal temple, Kanchipuram:

Animals have played an integral role in Indian mythology, with snakes and eagles topping the list. In Indian mythology we have a special consideration for "vahanas" or vehicles of deities. Others come with signals when animals make a visit during a ceremony. For example, it is believed that when a temple is being consecrated and "prana prathista" is being done to both the idol within as well as the main gateway/ roof of the temple, the presence of three parrots fly by during the homam/havan. Subsequently it is considered a success in ritual when an eagle (garuda) flies above the main gateway when water is being poured over it and the flag is being hoisted.

Among the lesser known animals that are known to be great devotees of Lord Shiva, the spider and the elephant seem to top the list. In the south there are specific temples dedicated to them as worshippers of the Lord, namely Shiva temples at Kalahasti and Thiruvannaikavval.

One creature seems to have a lot of impact not just by being a devotional creature but also as a mechanism of communication between our world and God's kingdom - devaloka. They say that when you are completely devotional, the Lord Himself comes in some form and resides within the chamber where you worship Him. The lizard is considered to be a very important creature in such modes of communications. When a lizard steps into the puja room and stays there it's considered auspicious. They say that either your Guru or the Lord Himself rides on the lizard when they come "visiting". The nature of the lizard in such cases is quite different. They tend to be fearless, hang around the deep dark corners of the room and come closer to the devotee as and when they wish, sometimes it's too close for comfort. A family is considered blessed and the home is believed to have positive vibrations when lizards come to live within the walls of its puja room.

Lizards seem to have held a very strong place in function! Killing or harming lizards is considered one of the greatest "doshams"(negative effects) committed ever. Even more intriguing is the fear that is triggered with the accumulation of "doshams" when a lizard falls over a person. They say that if a lizard fell over our head, something very inauspicious is going to happen, like probable death in the family, while if it falls on the foot it means travel. It looks like our ancestors didn't take to traveling very well, not half has lightly as we take it today. There might have been dangers they would have to face in the journey so avoiding travel was probably recommended. In order to rid one off these negative effects our ancestors thought a lot for the masses.

Interestingly found only in the Varadaraja Perumal temple at Kanchipuram is the silver and gold lizards on the ceiling of a small chamber in this temple. With mystical diagrams of the sun and moon near it, this large lizard is supposed to wipe out all the accumulated "doshams" if we get to touch it. There is an endless list of "doshams" given in our panchangam. The sun, moon and the lizard (palli) are related to astrology and give remedies with relation to our horoscopes for a more peaceful living.

Touching these lizards on the ceiling nullifies the negative effects that we might have accumulated in the course of our living, knowingly or unknowingly. Maybe they are consecrated up there with mantra concentrate done ages ago when the temple was built, so that the oncoming generations would benefit from it with a simple touch.



All in all it has not just caught the strong belief of the ancients but also the caught the faith of million Indians today who flock there. Can we question the lizard? Maybe, but can we doubt Indian faith… no, it can only be admired!