The experience of Shivahood, the state of real bliss.

The inner search for the Lord in the environs that we live in is practically impossible to keep the mind in focus towards a single goal, especially when it is not shared by anyone around us.

To work and make money is a goal we can all talk about, to buy real estate and get married are topics every one is interested in, but to talk about a spiritual goal hardly has any takers for a discussion. Yet it is a fight at some point in everyone's mind to want to know what spiritualism is.

What is illusion, inner soul and the beauty of enlightenment? What do we mean when we say these words, what are we meant to experience? Going to a temple in the city and having a glimpse of the Lord is not going to get us the answer. How do we even try to remotely get to this experience?

The only answer that hits my mind to get a glimpse of this supernatural effect is a visit to Tungnath or Mount Kailasa or some such remote place. I am sure that other places can, in some form render the same result, but a difficult trek to Tungnath or Kailasa are sure hits. Why? Because when the mind decides to do this journey it has agreed that its going to be physically challenging, it does not promise a darshan in winter and therefore time of the year matters and by the time we even get a glimpse of the destination, the mind and the body have had enough but the only energy that rules is the emotion to achieve the pilgrimage.

Let’s start from the beginning, gathering information on any of these two journeys defines that the weather may not support the trip and there is room for a flop. Just viewing pictures gives a rough indication that these treks are long and pains taking and there is hardly any help in the way. The altitude gives a feeling of distance from comfort that it results in mental detachment from all materialism, all emotion, and all attachment. The very fact that the mind decided to do this trek means that the emotions and the soul are ready to have a glimpse of this superior power.

At the foothills, before we begin the actual journey, the heart is overwhelmed that we made it this far, the mind is exhausted and can’t really entertain thoughts anymore. The difficulty now is the trek. Bleak regions, strong winds, bring the raw forces of nature close to us, so close that the familiarity of civilized life is a distant memory. Here there is only one thought - the discovery and the experience of the unknown. What stands in front of us is a snow capped mountain, cold, formidable, silent and powerful. And the only pool of resources we have is the fast diminishing reserves of energy within us. Food is brought down to the basic minimum and water may be hard to find and what’s more - money cant buy us anything here. Credit cards are a piece of junk here; because the rules that work here are very different. This is the first realization of detachment. This is also the first realization of freedom. 

As we take each step, the body begins to tire but the beauty of the region is a treat to the eye. The freedom to be in a land so bleak, the achievement to have fulfilled the wish to be here to imbibe the beauty of this land is a great feeling indeed. We can simply feel free to experience the power of this earth. How do we understand this power? Scaling these heights or even attempting to do the parikrama is a tedious effort of time, physical energy that is being squeezed out of every bone in the body to move the foot to the next step. All we have is the sheer will power to achieve this goal or overcome this challenge. We can look at it either way. Tungnath certainly doesn’t give the impression of easy enlightenment, its a difficult up slope trek that makes you, breaks you, exhausts you even before you made it to half the mark and we still do not have any sight of the temple. Kailasa parvat on the other side gives you a distant glimpse of its enormity and tells you to go home but doesn’t let you come any closer. In either case there is a realm of curiosity that is teased, the need to discover is prolonged and desire to break loose from the shackles of our existence and be one with the forces of nature can be reasonably enormous. Here too there is a strong echo of the dualism of life; this journey gives us the dual experience of frustration and spiritual bliss at the same time.

Approaching Tungnath on a winter morning

Do we ever get to feel this power? When we are exhausted and look up to the great temple or the mountain peak itself, the mind is blank and there is a sense of achievement to have reached or completed the trek. The minds eye now opens up to the forbidding reality in front of us. The world is at our feet, civilization is a distant reality and all that there is now is the Mountain and me. The first glimpse up close brings no thoughts to the mind, no words to the mouth, no fears to the heart and no pain to the body. The result of feeling this power is the feeling of being small and weep, weep like a baby full of emotion, and just pour out this overwhelming feeling into a pool of tears that are probably the most beautiful pearls of enlightenment we could generate selflessly. Just weeping into a pool of overwhelming love and emotions rolling out towards the power of the unknown is the most strangely blissful moment we can hold on to. If we felt this emotion at the moment of death, I guess we would be blessed with immortality.

The whole trek becomes a selfless journey of love, a churn of the mind and the body as it works its way up the spiritual grind of churning out the self from within. This emotion that floats to the surface of oneself is described very beautifully in a verse written by Thirumular.

Lord stands as Ghee in milk

He is Mukti, Jnana and Nada
That in the three branches of knowledge resound [poetry, music and dance]
Thus they praise the Lord
Through time unending;
As the ghee within milk
The pure one within them stands
That light they seek not and love not [2115]

Just as ghee belongs to the essence of milk, it floats on the surface of the milk untouched and unmoved. It is pure and concentrated and yet it doesn’t dissolve into the depths of the milk itself. Similarly the emotion of joy and supreme bliss that is felt on getting the closest view and discovering the Lord at these sacred shrines is an extraction from the process of churning the body, mind and emotions to reveal that we possess it. Once its out it floats of the surface of the milk of our existence, of our conscious self it is there to be experienced in all its purity and when it is experienced, what results is a tear of the overwhelming emotion of love.

Fated Pradosham at the Sacred Shrine of Ukhimath

In the depth of her splendor
That covers my soul
Do I see the power of Mahakala
Within her sacred womb.
The heavens reveal
In true beauty and reverence
Lord Shiva and his graceful consort
And behold the supreme presence
Of the Shrine of Kedar.

With every step that progressed towards the shrine door, my heart beat faster. I couldn't cope with this excitement but I enjoyed every pleasurable moment of it. It was like a child jumps up in sublime enjoyment when it discovers treasure. Every bit of new vision sent my heart pounding.

This feeling awakens in me a child like happiness because I feel I belong here, I am a part of this pantheon, and I am present here and now in full consciousness at this magnificent sabha, which in my mind is real heaven. My mind and soul now have blended into the subtle reality of this divine presence within this symbolic world.

The shrine chamber of Ukhimath temple is covered in divinity. Lord Mahakala sports his manly mustache etched beautifully over silver with an elegant snake hood covered in flowers above him. The sacred shrine of Kedar sits closely behind with miniature parasols of silver carefully covering its shrine. How joyous was this moment to behold the stark male attire of the Great Lord Mahakala at the central shrine and the small and elegant Kedar shrine in silver, all within the same room. Behind these sacred symbols of divinity, stood the glaring sculpture of Kala Bhairava on the wall with his big silver laden eyes staring straight at me. The Kalabhairava here is very similar in flavor to that at Pashupatinath, Nepal.

The presence of Kala Bhairava and Mahakala as the primary shrines at this temple of Ukhimath, echoed the ancient tantrik rituals of the night. This was a great seat of tantrik practice, a little different from Tungnath but strangely similar also. The depths of Ukhimath temple's ambiance began to reveal itself to me. In the warmth of her peaceful garbha griha was housed the history of a serious and intriguing mystic past. 

With her inner shrine explicitly presenting more forms of Shiva than one, Mahakala's gentle look took me all the way back to Ujjain. Mahakala is probably the only form of Lord Shiva who sports a mustache. As I advanced to the adjoining mandapa, there were exquisite sculptures of Shiva and Parvati adorning this little room. The Shiva Parvati idols in copper have their own charm and Nandi stands in bronze at the center of this ardha mandapa.

Darkness had set in, the shrine doors had previously been closed in the early hours of the evening. We patiently waited for the priest to finish his endless conversation with another devotee, and open the sanctum to give us a better view. Little did he know that I had a plan to sit there longer than he thought. This was the most profound moment of the evening. Pradosham hour was coming to an end and the Lord Mahakala made sure we were there for it. He gave us darshan, as the priest came to open the doors to the shrine.

The grandeur of the inner chamber was alive and brimming as I sat at the door step quickly taking out my wicks and lamps. The ghee was stone cold and digging into its depths was a task. We lit two diyas and with all humbleness we presented Vilvam leaves that we had brought all the way from Chennai as a small gift from us. We stayed there for some time and the exclusivity of the moment made us feel even more special. For an active temple like this one, during the moment of pradosham at the Lord's feet with only a priest with us who didn't push us out because it was getting late, this was completely enjoyable.

What a difference this was from the rest of the temples across India that we had visited so far. The silence of this temple echoed my voice as I sang out the mantras. I felt blessed as my voice reverberated within the grand walls of this Sabha. All the heavens were there to listen to these prayers as the priest joined in the singing too. Rudram, rumbled through the walls as sacred vilva fell over the shrines. The Lord of Kedar had received our gift. I could have danced around the courtyard!! We took another 15 minutes well past closing time. The priest favored us saying it was God's will that we should visit and light ghee lamps. Our lamps were placed inside the inner shrine, to shine through the night as I bowed to the lord in all thankfulness.

This experience was strangely one of a kind in these times. There was no noise, there was no corruption but goodwill, there was no pushing around but patience, there was no haste but worship, there was no argument but respect for a devotee's time with the Lord. And all of heaven was open, listening to my heart sing out. What else could I have asked for!

Photo source: Unknown from the internet

Ukhimath Temple - A Silent Bride in the Moonlight.

Paulo Coelho had once said, if you want something the whole universe conspires to get it for you. Sure enough! It was pretty much the same story with us.

Tungnath was the highlight of the day and the related ecstasy didn't allow us to descend at the appropriate hour. Winter in the mountains is a little different. The world is awake as long as there is daylight and once the foothills plunge into darkness there is no life, no movement, no activity.

The descent down Tungnath was even tougher in the slippery ice and we paid for it with a precious hour of daylight. Exhausted and a little disappointed that this great moment had come to an end we were in a partial mind to go to Ukhimath. As the car swerved along the rough hillside road with occasional thrills of hanging off the cliff edge into the gaping darkness of the valley below the driver decided to drive up to Ukhimath temple to check if it was still open.

The biting cold, the exhaustion and the drunken bliss of Tungnath, made Ukhimath that much more inaccessible in the night within our minds. And yet, as the eyes strained to keep open, we hazily saw the night lights of Guptkashi on the opposite hill make dots of the letter OM floating in the dense darkness of the surrounding forests. It was two nights away from Poornima, and the moonlight was slowly beginning to awaken the silent beauty of the night among the hills. Dotted lights skirted by, and the road was bumpy as ever with sharp turns as it went winding along the hill side. The landscape looked like the sky had opened itself straight to us merging with the star studded hillsides appearing like a completely enveloping universe as we floated through it, it was magical. We drove up to a halt to see the bright light of Ukhimath shine over its finial.

Ukhimath was a different world. Living, breathing with energy and pulsating within its nest over the hillside. Silence and darkness had descended over its ambiance. This Pradosham day was blessed and I don't know how to explain it. It was not about visiting a temple, it was not about making it on time, it was not about lighting a lamp to the great Lord Mahakala... it was the melting exhaustion, the extended beauty of the ancient world and an even higher bliss when I beheld this quaint temple clothed in color so unique that it appeared like a coy bride in this star studded night. Words cannot explain the excitement, through my confusion of wanting to visit this temple in daylight to observe it closely.

Ukhimath temple courtyard is a place I would like to be in forever. We had barely made it to the temple, as we asked our way around to the courtyard to be faced with colorful glitter of this small temple so coy and shrouded in subtle blended light. 

Ukhimath awakened my fantasies about the past. The style of this courtyard, the presence of wood and stone instead of cement, the walls that just hid the surrounding hills from us, and the dancing maidens on the walls who entertained the heavenly celestial world dotting the faceted walls of the temple, plunged my imagination into its finest state. To amalgamate one self into the real, where imagination takes over the present, the aura of the place envelops me and I forget that I belong to NOW [defined by time and change of this era] is a relishing experience. Ukhimath temple appears like a maiden resplendent in rich garish colors, decked in electric jewelry, diamond studded and glowing, draped in bright colors, subtly teasing in the dimly lit night.

This temple lies coy in the shadows of her courtyard like a graceful maiden waiting to be wedded, revealing bits of her color as we strangers walk around discovering every wall that protects her. Gasping for breath, filling my hungry eyes with this splendor, I bathed myself in her resonant beauty as I made my way into her inner shrine.

How dream like is this moment!

To think that I had previously scanned the landscape as the driver pointed out the roof of Ukhimath temple that teased my eyes with her presence on the opposite hill the previous day, I was standing here and now waiting for the celestial world to welcome me into her world. My heart had been excited to visit and though Tungnath took over my consciousness for the entire day, Ukhimath presented herself in the dim light of the moonlit night, most gracefully.

Am I blessed to be here to witness her presence in full beauty and elegance and bathe myself in her ambience. There is silence, there is warmth and yet, as the chilling winds whistle through her courtyard there is subtle presence of life brimming within her walls, awakening my soul and challenging my emotions that lie dormant with me.

To be continued...

Sacred hour of Pradosham at Tungnath

To visit Tungnath in the bleak winter is an opportunity, to make it to the temple on Pradosham day is a bonus. It was that blessed day in our lives that the weather proved to be friendly and the snow at Tungnath had not entirely set in.

The climb to Tungnath proved to be extremely energy sapping, 3500 feet up slope in 3 kms was a lot more tougher than the endless walk to Tirupati. This added to the sub zero temperatures atop the Himalayan foothills where the water didnt flow to the end of its fall but froze half way. This land, these hills, which holds Ukhimath on one peak, Guptkashi on another, Kalimath on a third and Tungnath on the fourth, not to mention Kedarnath which was not in our radar yet... are breath-taking and beautiful.

We had finally managed to trek all the way up. The experience left us speechless, confused and energized as it seemed more like a physical achievement than a spiritual haven to visit. The real Tungnath fills the mind with excitement at the first sight of the flag atop its finial. Gasping for breath and not even having scaled 3/4ths of the distance left us tired with a hollow in the pit of our stomachs but at the same time the mind and the eyes were filled with the most beautiful panoramic view of the Himalayan peaks. Such extravaganza, such virgin beauty lay sprawling all around us as we attempted the next few feet still gasping for breath.

Dry, cold winds sing in the ears, towering peaks appear stark and naked clothed in snow and as we necked up with the range, the temple on this formidable peak looked unreachable as probably the highest ever point. The warmth of the sun was welcome, the feeble heat burned us as we made it up to this quaint little settlement precariously perched on the hilltop.

Why would a group of people in ancient times, want to brave these bleak temperatures and climb all the way up here to build this magnificient temple with the exact rules of architecture and iconography as those found in Bengal or even Madhurai for that matter. Why would there be a seat of serious learning secluded so high up on a mountain almost inaccessible to all in these bleak winters to not just preserve a tradition of deep thinking but to make it a way of life at sub zero temperatures.

I stood here high up on this mountain, having being robbed off my belongings, my identity and having no connection what so ever with the known world. I was lost, in this silent world with no phone, no internet, no money and no identity. I was myself, an individual here and now, in the present, in this beautiful moment that appeared so magical. I was an entity, with no name, no history, no background, no connection and no possession. I was the one, truly detached from all familiarity staring up at this half ruined temple wondering about this blissful relationship I was at this moment sharing with Lord Shiva, whose presence echoed in almost all the stones that made this ancient temple.

I am part of this ancient rule, I am an entity in this ancient world, I am the mantra that flows out loud as I place Vilva leaves gently on this Sahasraha Linga that sits firm at the temple door. I am the lamp I light, I am the sweetness in this moment, I am the only reality that brings this small gift of ghee lamps and vilva to the Lord atop this sacred mountain this bleak winter morning.

The sun slowly starts to descend, the cold winds take over as my mind finds its way back to the steep path way that brought me up here. My heart flows with love for this land, for these mountains and for the purity in this air. There is no person, there is no aim, there is no thought... there is just pure love that flows this evening at this sacred hour at the great temple of Tungnath.

To be continued...

Photo courtesy: unknown from google images

Tungnath, highest abode of the great Lord Shiva

Chilling winds blow through the mountains as the fog descends on to sacred land. There in the horizon, high up overhanging the cliff stands a small temple, with a character so profound, my feet remain stuck in the earth as I look up to this splendor, this beauty that feels like a divine gift from heaven. 

Brass bells hang down inviting me into this mystical world of beauty and power that I wonder as why I am wasting my life in this mundane reality when my heart yearns out to be with the Lord, here in his heavenly abode. 

Lost in a world of its own, inaccessible to all those who either dont know or dont care, cradled in the lap of mother nature, with a few ancient stones put together to sanctify a presence of the Lord who once graced this planet, here stands the small and quaint temple of Lord Tungnath Shiva. 

The Garhwal Himalayas tower around as a protective cover to this splendid workmanship once meticulously put together in stone. Such is the poetry that mystically covers this land, this earth, this temple, the sacred hands that once fell to the earth when Lord Shiva tried to escape from the Pancha Pandavas. 

The bells ring, reverberating sounds pierce the air as the fog clears to let the bright sunlight through. White clad, ice laiden, transforming this beauty into a mystical maiden, Tungnath temple leaves anyone breathless over how beautiful the world can really be. The red flag of the Gods flies hight up into the air, the eroded rock wake up to another day of chilling weather, and the white snow gleams in the sunlight describing the untouched beauty of Tungnath. 

My feet penetrate the snow that blankets this earth as the sunlight directs me to the open doors of heaven. My heart melts, my emotions sink, my eyes are frozen staring into this clear silence in the wind. Nandi sits in divine presence, the sound of OM becoming even more clearer as he sits at the doorstep of Lord Shiva in silent meditation.

In this chill, I sit for a while, closing my eyes, feeling my breath as I descend into meditating on the sacred verses of Trayambaka Shiva. There is nothing here, simple void, just the stark presence of the Lord makes one feel in union. The chill in the air, the clear blue sky, the constant sound of the bells, the sweet verses that roll out of my self and the deep breath that gathers momentum after repeating the sacred syllables. This is meditation, this is dhyanam, this is what the world looks like when we give up all materialism and desire. 

The belief that great souls once walked this earth, the faith that there is power and purity in this land, the living power of sacred meditation now housed within stone walls of a small quaint temple, built centuries ago to preserve the truth that divinity still rules, love still exists, surrender is the only path and enlightenment is the only way forward to the next life. What a different thought, what a different feeling to live this profound worship.

The Eternal Dream of Bliss

I sit here swinging between two worlds. I met her, a practicing tantric and what a wonderful woman she turned out to be. She unraveled her life, a life that appeared to be a part of me. She sang her way through, she is the ultimate romantic. Just watching her is a pleasure. Just listening to her sweet words is an experience. Being with her brings me this uncanny joy and excitement I have never felt before. She once knew the real meaning of Bhairava, she once practiced Tantra.

With her presence my whole imaginary world of the Gods sprung back to life. The Lord reappeared into this intoxicating space. He lured me to this world of magic, of divinity and of such amazing charm that one could lie there swollen with love, paralyzed and drowning in bliss.

He breaks out of his stony shackles; he dances the wild dance of love. He awakens in me this strange frenzy that is waiting to just burst out of my contained human self. I am wild, I am free. I am that which you do not see. I am the eternal Bhairavi locked in this human temple for this life.

In this mystical realm, where all the Gods and celestial beings live, where charm and beauty are beyond the unthinkable, where intellect is pure and of superior nature, where the language of speech is that within the mind and where the essence of life is pure energy and love. There are no secrets, there is no good or bad, this is my world, the celestial land of the dancing Gods.

Nataraja dances gracefully, his long locks sway in gentle waves in the wind. Parvati seated in divine charm, a golden glow that surrounds her envelopes my heart. Chamunda and Kali bring out their wilderness, such depth in their beauty, such warmth in their eyes, such power in their being I have never seen or felt.

Is this the real worship in my heart, are these the silent depths I ache to see, is this that mystical world I want to be a part of... O Divine Lord, how much longer do I wait to have a glimpse of your divine feet? To be a part of divine land, to take a dip every day at the Ganges, to feel the cold of the mountains, to breathe the silence of the cave, to bathe in the tranquility of life and to view the very Lord every day...Ah! What a life, what an eternal moment of joy.

My eternal home, by a small shrine made for the Lord, by a small kund that holds water so pure, by the walls of towering mountains. To live on sacred ground surrounded by Shiva lingams, to live under the shadow of the divine Trishula, to be a part of that charming archaic world in stone, to smell the pure air and listen to the reverberation of the temple bell echo around the hill side... what a life.

Photo courtesy:
James G. Lochtefeld
personal.carthage.edu