Jagannath Raas Lila - Silent conversation of affection.

Puri, sacred land of Shankha Kshetra, divine earth where the Lord Jagannath resides has come to become a part of me, it is what I call my home. Yes, this spiritual vagabond has found her home, previously at Tarapith, and now at Puri. 

Divine intervention or providence, I don’t know... and I frankly have stopped thinking. All I know is, when I get a chance to come to Bhuvaneswar, I can’t go back without setting foot into Puri to meet the Lord. After all its He who calls me all the time without fail. It’s been three visits, and there is no stopping this force from calling me. And each visit has had something new to offer. Somehow with these swelling emotions of devotion he just cares too much and takes care of everything, from permanently fixing a good panda who is genuine, giving me anytime access to the Lord to a meal, the maha prasad, before I leave. He has just been so real, so vibrant, pulsating in every breath of mine, now he just makes my heart melt. I can hardly think beyond him at the moment. 

Where do I start, how do I explain the impossibility of the trip, the lack of any chance to go to Puri, and yet He made me do it... against all odds to just book my return tickets a day later and not worry about the repercussions. I have not felt such levels of fearlessness and yet I seemed to have sailed through, not just unharmed... but protected as well. 

Well, I made the time but I was not quite ready for the next hurdle. It’s the time of Pongal/Shankranti and the temple is swarming with people, packed beyond capacity. I was blissfully unaware of what I was getting into. I just knew, I had to meet Him, with or without crowds, with or without company, nothing mattered, I had to go. But there was a catch, I wanted to submit my work of art, my manuscript at his feet, in my way and spend a few good silent moments with Him. I guess he knew that too. I have worked for this moment, not just waking up at 3:30am every morning in the last 3 months, but for the last 10 years, to close this work and reach my moment, my Jayadeva moment. I have grown, in my spiritual journey and He has taught me well. But nothing was possible without that last push and for that I realize now why I ended up visiting Him so often these last few months. He just made sure, I completed this manuscript, not in my way... but in His way. 

I barely wrote those words, but they stemmed from his consciousness. I barely strung them together, but the sweet fragrance of divinity was sprinkled by Him. I barely managed to complete it by noon, but He had devised His plan for me. It was truly accidental and while I tried to get my coordinates together, a friend walked in asking me if I wanted to visit Puri by night. It was unthinkable, 9:00 pm for a temple visit... does it even work? He was certain it did. But, none the less, “Yes” was my answer, and the divine excitement of meeting my Jagannath started to rise again, intensely, strongly leaving me speechless. This was not going by my plan, this was His plan and I was given a way to follow and sure enough, even the panda confirmed it was a better idea to finish it tonight.

We hit the road, with strange hope and even stranger anticipation of how the evening was going to unfold. So thick were the thoughts that I hardly realized when I reached Puri and we were hastily rushing to the temple, the panda had already called us thrice to figure out where we were. He caught us at the gate and we rushed in, as I carried the loose sheets of my manuscript packed into newspaper. I loved the ambience in the evening, the silent raas lila of Krishna Jagannath hummed in the air, in the winds. We lit lamps at smaller shrines, meeting Ganesha, Kasi Vishwanath, Ma Bhuvaneswari, Ma Mahalakshmi, and soon after headed towards the inner sanctum. 

There He was, my sacred world, my Jagannath adorned in silks, seated, looking back at me with a big smile on His face. We were ushered to a corner where I stood, staring at Him while the panda went ahead and kept the loose sheets of my offering at the Great Lord's feet. My Jayadeva moment had arrived. I stood speechless, feeling the warmth, feeling my emotions seek Him... I walked inside, around the sacred passage completing my pradakshina as I turned to Him again, this time closer, much closer. Everyone was warm, the pandas didn’t push me, and no one said a thing. I bowed to Him, looked at Him endlessly and thanked Him for calling me by night. Bowing down to Ma Subhadra and Balarama, I spend few silent moments there with them. There were no crowds, no noise. Just Him and me, silence outside, silence inside. He gave me what I had wanted.... He never disappoints. 

We headed back around 12:00am, along the peaceful stretch from Puri to Bhuvaneswar, as I reflected on the evening. Unplanned, fantastic, He had granted me my wish. I had planned to go there the next day, I did it anyway. I hit the road again at 6:30 catching the morning sun. This trip was about Him, everything else was incidental, a part of my karmic to do list. This was the real thing. 

Jagannath Puri, was filling up fast as I entered the temple, bhajans rang on one side, queues lined up everywhere and people thronged to the temple looking for hope, seeking faith, feeling his divine power. It was one of those moments of ultimate freedom on earth, where I am alone and I am just sitting on the steps of Lakshmi Mandapa staring up at the pinnacle of this magnificent 10 Cen AD architecture. Three good hours of bliss at the sacred shrine, practically spent with japa and silence as the crowds just buzzed around me. Its possible to feel the silence of Lord Jagannath in the middle of a lakh audience pushing each other to get a glimpse of Him. 

My panda was back, just like the genie in Aladdin, :) to magically help me through the crowd. And believe me he did it so amazingly well. The main door was shut down, the paths were packed with people and police yelled at poor folk who didn’t toe the dotted line. Can you believe the impossibility of this darshan when I hadn’t even gotten into line yet! I was blissful in the mystical world of Jagannath, hardly aware of the millions criss-crossing my way as I headed closer to the shrine. Close was not "close", we had access up to the second door way, two chambers away from the shrine. A couple of police men opened a corner door, as we walked through and sealed it immediately and we moved in swiftly. The crowds were crazy, a potential stampede was building up and in this sheer people force the panda said, bend down under the blockade and sit on the steps. Was it the panda or the divine intervention of Lord Jagannath, I don't know, but leaving the sheer madness of the crowds an inch behind, I sat at the steps for another 2 minutes, staring at Him, in my mystical silent world before I walked out. The sheer human force got me out of the temple as I found my footing again. I left the temple, almost breaking down into tears, it is possible to bypass the sheer volume of people if the Lord wishes it so. Before I left, the panda came back with a piece of red cloth, "this is a flag from the temple finial, this is for you". I opened the flag, it had the sacred mark of Chandra Bindu on it. Lord Jagannath had spoken to me, wished me well and gifted me his victory flag. 

I left the mad rush of the human world, walking out of the temple, this time, he truly touched my heart. He gave me more than I asked for, he gave me more than I deserved. 

Naachke Aye Natakhat Giridhar...He truly came dancing into my heart.

To Lord Jagannatha I bow

You have come back again to quench my thirst, to dip my dumb head into the Gita, to shake the ignorance out of my mind once again. I am thankful to you for that. 

You came back to push me to think, to push me to realize the deeper nuances of human relationships, that which I never knew of, that which no one believes ever existed.

You held my hand and took me through the path of bhava, bhava of different kinds. Yes! This heart is capable of viewing love in more ways than one. 

You taught me sakhya bhava, and I was too dumb to learn. Eight years after you stole him away I realized what you meant. Spiritualism in human relationships, oh what a game you have played!

You taught me madhura bhava and I hardly got the point. What a waste I was, till you made me realize the hard way it was meant to be divine, not human. 

You taught me dasa bhava, and I melted in devotion not knowing where it led me. But today when I stand on what appears to be a pedestal for another, I realize what the previous sage didn't get right. 

And now when I need you most, you taught me vatsalya bhava, another version of the same love. And while this heart fears detachment, you threw the impermanent world at me to grapple with while I try to realize the actual truth. 

You have shown your grace to teach me tanmaya bhava, to see your form in everyone I meet, to cure me off human folly. To worship you in every living human, every insect, every being pulsating with life...and for that divine intoxication, I thank you again.  

And finally, when I rest my tired heart that doesn't know what else is in store, it awaits your lesson on shanta bhava to imbibe the silence of the universe, the void, the truth that you have so carefully hidden away from me. 

Oh when will you reveal your true form to me O Lord Jagannatha and claim this heart that truly belongs to you.

To Lord Jagannatha I bow.

When Lord Jagannathan Entered My Life

I am not completely aware of Krishna consciousness, and neither have I spent too much time trying to understand Vaishnavism. Maybe its time to start. Krishna made his intriguing presence felt when I started to learn more about Kali and Tantra. Thanks to my son's die hard concentration and irresistible attraction to Little Krishna, Lord Jagannatha grew on me subconsciously while I sat through repeated serials of the Divine boy on television. I found myself falling for that child, for that little village of Brindavan and all his companions, Balarama, Madhu and Subhala. With my son's new found emotions gripped by these imaginary beings who ruled his head day in and day out, I came to realize subconsciously that they were as real to me as they were to him. 

The Lord sends his messages in strange ways and in each way, I found myself sinking into a pool of deep emotion of Love, call it Bhakti, call it what ever you like. An email fell into my mailbox, with a picture of Krishna/Kali and a question - Guess who this is? With that started my next hunt, what is the Krishna association with Kali. J C Joshi's innumerable comments came flashing back to me. His whole volume of belief left behind as pearls of wisdom with the comments of my various blogs echoed back in my head well after his physical body turned history. Who really is Jagannatha?

I penned my last paragraph of a book I plan to publish sometime in the near future and realized that I, who assumed herself to be a great follower of Shiva and Shakti, had given a lot of attention to Jagannatha unconsciously in my story. I sat back to think of all the temples I had visited, it was Tirupati that had overwhelmed me the most and make me weep profusely, every time without fail. The atmosphere, the energy, the silence inside the sanctum, and his form left me in a pool full of tears. The last visit of taking my son there had proved fatal in this divine love affair. But somehow, the form that stuck in my head as the divine Krishna is Jagannatha. From that little child I would love to cuddle to the divine lover, Krishna conquers my mind in every form. 

And then he played his divine trick again in a dream, and the Ras Lila enveloped my thoughts, divine love in the eyes of the "knower" can make the emotional doer do a lot of things. A line from Sri M's book echoed in my head, when it comes to Jagannatha, we take the form  of the divine lover, that's the only state of consciousness one can reach. And in the dream he came, as a singer of divine song, as the one who plays sweet notes in his flute. A face so gentle, so handsome and yet distant beckoning me to come forward and touch him, experience him. The intoxicating sounds of his beeja mantra echoed inside my head, his searching eyes oozed the emotion of warmth, the emotion of longing, the emotion that beckoned me to just accept everything he wanted, thoughtlessly, helplessly, completely emotionally. 

I stood on the floor, in our world, my thoughts caught in his web as the beeja mantra echoed on, I could feel the weakness in my knees. I could barely hold myself for a surge of energy just headed upwards towards my heart, towards my head and I felt myself swoon in sheer bliss as I felt my consciousness fade from the real world. I clung on crying out for help - Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya - O Vasudeva, O Shankara! Hold me, for I am unable to hold myself. 

I realized how difficult it was for me to come back to the real world that minute.