To My Great Guru, I Pray.

It has taken me a long time to realize just how much I have not understood your presence in my life. I have come to a point where I feel hopeless and insignificant, where I realize you had come to touch my heart twice before and I failed to catch those moments. And now I try again, to reach out to you in desperation, in shame, and with all humility. I have come to detest the very nature of the limitations within the realm of being born human and at the same time I look for any sign, any hope that can make me rise up to you again. 

Getting to be your disciple has been a blessing, its not achievable to many and I had the luck. I have seen you just once from a distance, when I was a little girl giggling around not realizing the moment I was going to miss. It was when you departed that I seriously felt, I wanted to just come away with you. I lost that moment then but you reappeared again in my life, this time with greater trust, with greater love, with greater teaching. You initiated me, and I learned, I fumbled but I believe with all my inadequacies and flippant attitude, you gave me a precious gift and I kept it close to myself. 

The time has come again and the echo for your divine grace grows within my heart. Time is running out and as I live, every passing breath just yells at me echoing how wasteful I have been. I have immersed myself into reading about great saints, about the divine grace that they have been blessed with and the more I sink into that world the more I realize just how far fetched it is to reach from where I am. And yet, this miserable self will try, try as much as I can, to make myself ready for you to reappear and shower your grace upon me. 

There is so much to say and yet words fail me. Am I ever capable of getting there, I dont know, but the hunger grows. I have begun to question my existence, my purpose, my being with respect to spiritual capability. I realize deep down how difficult it is to tread your path but do I have a chance? You taught me to have faith in you and yet I fear you. You taught me discipline and yet am flippant. You taught me humility and I felt I owned you. You taught me dignity but I can feel my worhtlessness grow. You taught me to surrender but I held on to my ego. 

Am back, a hopeless mortal, at your door step requesting you for another chance to teach me again, to shape my path of realization. I find no pleasure in other mortals, I find no pleasure in material gain. I am fast losing interest in the pleasures of life, I just seek your divine grace. I know there is still time, time for me to give up this lifestyle. But meanwhile is there a chance that I may be blessed with your grace again. 

To my Great Guru, I pray. 


Raju said...

Im really Touched! n very happy for your devotion towards your Guru!

In the journey of spirituality, amounting to n number of births, there's a famous saying "a true seeker need not to go to find his guru, but when the time comes, the great guru come to find his disciple". That's why this great nation India, is greater than any other country in the world, to be born, so that we can get our great gurus!

We need guru coz only a true guru knows the distance you traveled in the spiritual journey and from there, he will show you the path again. May the great parampara of Sidha Gurus Protect his devotees and this country (so that many followers can get God)!

dharmapriya said...

Hari Om Kavitha,

You voice what many disciples feel on this journey.. but do not despair, Guru is never far away, certainly you cannot miss him or lose him. It is good to feel this awful turmoil because it wakes us up, it kicks us, it humbles us and it connects us. There is nothing sweeter than the memory of Guru, just keep walking the path he has shown you and there he will be - right beside you! because he never went anywhere, it is only that you were distracted for a while.