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4.28.2006

Home is where the soul belongs

Home! Home means different things to different people. Home means family to some and complete intrigue to others. I have a home, what I call family, familiarity, security… home, that which we all cling to. Home, a place where a bunch of scared souls live, saving each other from the final reality…when its seriously time to depart…

Home, is where the heart is! Home is where there is excitement unknown, when the heart yells out and says, this is a free world and I can do what I want and not care about it… My heart is free, my mind is free, and my life is free. I am free. Free from all that I call bondage, expectation, contempt, control, power… life?
Home is where the mind decides it has had enough; where the mind decides it wants to rest because it can’t handle anymore of the stupidity this world around displays thinking it is attitude. The mind rests, evolving suddenly, waking up to the reality called LIFE, and that is the only one I get and what the hell am I doing wasting it with a bunch of nonsensical thoughts!!

Home is where silence resides, in the deep corners of the mind, revived every time the mind takes a dip into life as it is and escapes from all that we call responsibility and role play… Home, where its my world, the world I make for myself and anyone who loves and appreciates the value of this life and its true meaning is invited…

Home is where the Lord lives, silent watching and waiting for me to go back to. Home where the Lord, just overwhelms me with Himself, and I simply get distracted and looked around for Him in people… what a fool I have been. The Lord is ever so pervasive, ever so kind and loving, ever so sweet, ever so overwhelming that words are not enough to express His beauty. Wow! what a character, what a feeling… that the Lord can trigger this ecstasy, this bliss, this intoxication, this wildness, this fire, this energy, this excitement, this happiness, this awakening, this life inside me without even revealing Himself!

What are we wasting our lives for, taking care of each other when we are all going to go home alone, anyway… why is it so tough to accept this truth that your way and mine are the same back home, just timed differently…
It’s a dark forest, of fear and suffocation… but it’s the way home, the last walk home, with peace and faith that Lord Shiva is there to guide, divine Lord.. Oh God take me home!!

Infact in the current state i am in its just ... HHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM.... i think you get the drift!

4.21.2006

An Ode to Mangalam Pati

Srirangam Tamil Nadu, time unknown:

Mangalam Pati is an orthodox lady I heard, oval faced, lean, always in a 9 yards saree and wearing gold frame spectacles. She has sharp eyes, is disciplined and is everything an orthodox tyranical pati should be. She wears a small gold chain around herself and a larger beaded gold rudraksha around her neck. She rules the family, her laws are orthodox but not to everyone, its only to the deserving. For mangalam pati teaches only the deserving, the essential meaning of life. Learning is a tough game, with a million "thopakarnams" thrown in along with innumerable "kuttus" should you make a mistake, but its only now when we are old that we realize how much that training helped.

An old pati in an age old agraharam. Mangalam pati does not come downstairs at all. She doesnt talk to all, well not to anyone at the first meet. When one goes to meet her, they wash their hands and feet and preferable have a shining jadagam against their name. Mangalam pati loves jadagams.

She has a soft corner for one of her grandsons, and what a soft corner it was. He was made to learn the laws of orthodoxy, the laws of karma, the laws in the dharma shastra, the laws of the agamas...lets say the laws of good living in short, of course with his fair share of "thopakarnams" and "kuttus". Mangalam pati taught him to face the world, the world of karma, giving lessons on defence strategies of parigarams. Mangalam pati taught all she knew to the grandson she loved the most.

It was another silent evening, the sun had just set. Mangalam pati lit the oil lamp and sat silently in her room. A sacred room I would say. The children ran around the house proclaiming to all not to go upstairs for Mangalam pati was talking to Lord Ganesha! No one dared to disturb her, except her most favourite grandson. He took the guts to walk up to her room.

In the silent room sat Mangalam pati, the oil lamp light glittering in her gold spectacle frame. Not a sound, not a movement in the air. Her rudraksha gently formed a stream of gold to the floor.

And on the floor lay a yellow line ever growing.

A simple sight, a profound moment. Witnessed by her only favourite grandchild. Never again questioned and hushed away, the yellow line had more than a line to say.


Grantham, the ancient language of the Gods has strange ways of sending the message across. In a matter of hours the day was gone, the world moved on and Mangalam pati sat silent, enlightened. What a life! Mangalam pati was indeed a very dynamic woman.

One fine day, her grandson went for his dance performance. He insisted she come to see it and in a gentle voice she said "You go ahead, I will come". That was the last he saw of her. Mangalam pati died that night, but she had done well for herself. The Lord took her with Him, to his Abode, Kailasa.

I sat listening to this story on Mangalam Pati, I believed I had never met Mangalam pati and yet I knew her so well. Mangalam pati was my only connect, to the strange new world I live in now. Strange it is, blessed I am, to have once been her grandchild.

Mangalam pati, mangalam mangalam.

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Terms: (Gio, this is for you!)

Pati - grandmother,
Kuttu - a knock on the head when you dont do something right. Hurts most often.
Thopakarnam - to hold ones ears and descend to the floor, squat and rise all the way up. Typically based on a count, which gets tougher as the count increases. It is a punishment to children when they do not listen, still practised in old indian households.

4.15.2006

Its my heart - the Abode of the Lord














A place in my heart
Just for the Lord
To dance his way through
Its inner chambers

It’s a wild heart
Crazy in love
Just that the lord
Knows where to hide

It’s a gentle heart,
He moves touching its walls
Every now and then
Sensitive to my soul.

A big heart,
To hold his magnanimity
All his glory
Within one small self

Who said greatness was big
It’s all in here
One small heart
Only for the Lord who lives within

A heart that beats
A rhythm to his feet
He dances
Igniting my soul every moment

A heart carefree
Open forever
Lets Him go wherever he wishes
He never leaves

A heart so pure
Clear and fresh
It’s his breath
I feel the chill every day

A heart so wild
It plays with me,
A cosmic conspiracy
Right here within my being.

A precious heart
Just for him
The Lord dances wild
Crushing my ignorance.

A strong heart
Holds His truth
A form I do not know
A form potent within

It’s a warm heart
Houses Him
As he dances and moves
Complete in his fiery self.

It’s a heart that aches
Aches to see the Lord
Finally he would reveal
His truth some day.

It’s a heart
That yarns for Him
When he hides away
Deep within my being.

Its my heart
Like a thousand petal lotus
Cradles the lord
A part of me forever

4.08.2006

Kailasa - The Abode of Lord Shiva











A high mountain

Cold winds blow

A forbidden world

Silent, constant forever


A majestic mountain

Kissed by a thin cloud

That ambitiously climbs
To meet its peak

An imposing mountain
That echoes silent reverberation

Within itself

One single syllable, complete.


A mountain

Untouched and clean

Far from human madness

Pure and hidden away


A mountain that gives life

As the rainbow drapes it

In it’s many colors

Pure energy, pure nature, pure love


A mountain so silent

The abode of the Lord

A complete world of mine

Simple paradise


A mountain I behold

With my inner eye

My home, with the Lord

Beautiful home of mine

4.03.2006

A dance into Lord Nataraja's heart

Kapaleeshwarar temple, Mylapore Chennai: This is a strange happiness I felt when I went to the temple last Saturday morning. I had my ipod plugged into my ears and had Ray Charles playing while I walked through the Kapaleeshwarar koil in Mylapore Chennai.

You know, much as it sounds incongruous, to listen to blues and stare at the Lord within the walls of the garbha griha, it’s quite an experience in itself.

It is a strange combination, to stare at the Lord in all His alankaram, far within those deep walls almost wet with the humidity around. The whole floor is mine, the music in my ears, the rhythm in my feet, the excitement in my heart and suddenly all the ganas appear in a wild line playing across the ceiling. The flames dance around the dark walls, the rock creating the ambience of complete high with the smoke rising within the chamber, highlighting the ganas as they strangely begin to move with the beat within my heart. Dim lighting, and I follow the line of ganas in rhythmic movement, a dance of intoxication, a dance of freedom, a dance with no inhibitions, a dance of love, a dance of complete consciousness, a dance where only the Lord and I exist.

The drums reverberate, the beat charging my heart, the music relaxing the grey cells... there is no room for thought. It’s the moment of living, the moment without worry, the moment of bliss, the moment of no bondage, the moment when the heart is in perfect beat with the feet, the whole body has a single rhythm running within itself. And there He stands, in all His finery, Lord Nataraja Himself. An the music mounts, and the heavens open and begin to sing along, the Lord descends from his seat, holds me and leads the way, the whole hall lights up and the Gods shower down flowers into the hall, now beaming with fire torches across the walls.

The Lord dances with me, a dance of love, gentle steps, the moon glowing among his locks, his warm eyes, the snake sways along, a ribbon of moonlight, as he dances to the ever growing rhythm in my heart. I merge into him, with the Lord himself, such love, such warmth, such happiness, such beauty, such a sea of calm… silence, peace.

A glorious welcome into the family of the Lord, into the world of Kailasa, the whole hall now dances in perfect unison, everyone onto the floor. It’s a welcome into the kingdom of heaven! Its love love, love, crazy love! A whole new world, dancing with Lord Shiva down the hall, the music all around me, as Lord Nataraja leads the way, the ganas follow behind us…A dance into life, a different life, free, no hang ups, no hard feelings, just pure love. Truly is the kingdom of love, love, love crazy love!

Thank you Ray Charles… Thank you God! What a place, what a song!