Through The Grace of Kamakshi Amman

Yesterday I was blessed with another year of life, another year of living within this human prison, and I felt there may just be more purpose to my existence. The yearning was back, the calling grew stronger and for some reason I had the strong urge to go to Kanchipuram to seek the divine Mother. 

I get crazy spiritual ideas, that may not make sense to anyone but they are paramount to me and I follow them more than any other rule ever written. I had the deep urge to wear rudraksha constantly, and sure enough quality thoughts flowed in during puja. It’s a time when I get instruction, it’s when I read every thought as divine grace, and it’s when I am conscious of which thoughts to kill and which ones to keep. During puja, I wait without expectation, without much wishing and seek the next steps as they pour in from the divine world into my little mind. And I just take what’s given, no arguments for the ego is dead at that moment. 

The calling was loud, the thought persisted and the steps unfolded in my mind. I was not very far from the day I was born years ago, and I had to do things really fast. I was advised to take the rudraksha that I had worshiped with the Lord for the past several years and string them into a strong chain. There was a need for haste and I rushed over to the jewelers shop with my little precious rudrakshas to get them strung. I was thankful they arrived well ahead of time. They were consecrated at the feet of Tara Ma and stayed there for three days being worshiped.

Finally the night arrived, and though I planned to get sleep early, I could barely catch a wink, it was the first time, and I had spent the week mustering up my courage and fears to hit the road to Kanchipuram on the highway alone, and now the time had come. Up fresh at 3:00am and ready to go, I hit the road at 4:00am. The night sky was gloomy, the winds were strong and the rain had wet the roads. I had to be careful with my speed and through the highway with occasional vehicles around me, it was a crazy drive into the darkness. It was amazing for not a thought of fear ever struck me on the road. I felt free, free of bondage, free of humankind, free of karma, free of everything... I was driving into oblivion and enjoying every moment of it. 

As I neared kanchipuram, I realized I might just make it in time for the Abhishkam of the great Mother. How lucky would I be! Armed with a gorgeous Saree, a garland of lotus flowers and some Archana offerings, I confidently walked in towards the sanctum. The crowds were huge and on this auspicious day of Chitra Pournami, I was just glad I was born on this day. I reached behind the main sanctum and placed my request to the security guard. While he couldn't promise me anything, he allowed me through to have an up-close darshan of the Mother. Seated in front of her, absorbing her divine presence, every anxiety to want to see her just flew off the mind. She was there, in front of me, in my heart and for now... my mind went blank. I shook in my seat, observing every bit of her form, her graceful body as she sat on her seat, getting ready for her bath. The shastris took the garland and the saree, while I held on to the silver chain that held my precious rudrakshas with me. I handed it over to the main priest, who was in silence right through the entire operation. He worked with gestures and the security guard deftly unfolded their meaning. (Reminded me of Karz for a brief moment, except that he didn't tap on a glass)

The rudrakshas lay on the Mother's lap absorbing all her divine grace while my heart worked hard to fill itself with love for the Mother, and my eyes worked even harder etching her form into my mind and I sat still for as long as I could, not disturbing any of the functions underway. In a short while, the head priest came back, returning the rudrakshas to me and having learned the strict aachaaram being followed I raised my hands but carefully didn't meet the eyes of the priest. He threw a pomegranate at me in typical Brahmin style, and I scrambled over the floor trying to catch it. (clearly I don’t play cricket yet with my kid) 

I rose up, thinking this was the end for I wasn't permitted to continue sitting there to watch the abhishekam. He gestured me to see the other forms of the Goddess on the other side of the inner sanctum wall. This was a blissful moment intellectually for I learned of Varahi, Annapurni, Lakshmi, Mahishasuramardhini, Bhairava and a lot of other Goddesses who sat within the niches of this great shrine. Clearly during the Chola time, this temple was not as large as it is today, it was way smaller. The Vijayanagar Kings had added the other prakaras to this temple over a period of centuries and now they had merged so well into each other... the difference could hardly be seen. But this is a tantrik strong hold, and I love every bit of this shrine. Adi Shankara had got it so perfectly right. 

I was ushered out of the chamber, and sent back to the guard. I was happy though I looked at him with a stray hope to get a glimpse of the abhishekam. He pointed me to another guard who took me to a seat directly in front of the mother, on a higher platform outside the sanctum. I was excited, I didn't ask for this, from here it was a bonus. I sat through the entire abhishekam, reciting Mrityunjaya swaying with the flow of the Mother being bathed inside the shrine. Every version of her looked gorgeous and Adi Shankarcharya was not exaggerating when he wrote the lines describing her form. They described her so well, I am tempted to go back again and read the Soundarya Lahari and map it to the etching in my mind.

She is straight backed, voluptuous, and slim. She follows the tenets of the making of a beautiful woman, she was the personification of that form. The curtains were drawn and the crowds went silent. I will never get enough of her, I knew that for sure. They drew the curtains again and this time she was ready, all her alankaram in place, she just looked every bit a bride, every bit a lover, every bit a damsel, every bit the great Mother, every bit ... 

We were asked to get up to leave, the security guard sent me back to the earlier one and I was ready to pay what every he wanted. I was just so thrilled. I stood at the back of the sanctum, as I watched the head priest gesture in his silence, frantically asking for me to come in. I quietly walked in, not knowing what to expect. I was quickly palmed off to another priest who I figured was his brother. He asked me about myself, my where about and placed a vcard into my hand. I was confused but took it anyway. He told me to mail him and render any help that I could towards their website. 

I was sent back into the sanctum, this time made to sit in front of the Mother again, and the whole thing played out once more, I saw her up close, this beautiful bride, this celestial being from heaven, this great Mother of Love. I quickly handed over the rudrakshas back to the priest and requested him to place it over the Sri Chakra. It was the only pending item in my divine list of activities. I was sent back to varahi and after bowing to all the Goddess around me, I returned back to the Great Mother. The chain was handed over, and the priest spoke with a lot of respect, considering he had been shouting at all the other folk, I was very lucky. As I turned to leave, the head priest broke his silence... all he said was "Call me when you get home". 

I nodded and walked out without paying anyone anything. The purity of Brahmin culture was visible for a few seconds thanks to the divine grace of the Mother, as I paid the security guard handsomely for his effort. I was fulfilled with the experience, fulfilled with the calling, fulfilled with the strong belief that the Divine Mother indeed communicates with me in her strange way. I walked out on to the streets of Kanchi, free from bondage, free from attachment, free into the world of divine love as the warm sun blessed me with its light. I felt I was finally home, and more than anything else, I felt deep down that Tara Ma had reappeared in the form of Kamakshi Amman. Divine grace had touched me again and I couldn't have asked for a better gift on my birthday.

The Mysterious One Who Protects Me

I met him finally, the mysterious one and as I inched closer I realized I was getting to know him even more... this bizarre side of him was completely a discovery. I have known him for a while as the pleasant one, as a great loyalist if you got on his good side, as a great lover if we understood where his deep love was headed, but with a temper that could burn a city down in his wrath.

He glows in orange when he is happy, when his mind is deep in divine love, when he displays his dasya bhava. But this time... he just looks very different. 

He was furious over how evil could challenge fate when he realized Mahiravana had abducted his one and only saviour and strung a web of powerful black magic spells around him. He turned dark in anger, his form paled into a deep black and he grew himself into the five headed fierce one each face flaring within its forehead an open third eye of fire. Yes, the five headed one, with fifteen fiery eyes was now on the hunt for the villain who challenged him. With the protruding teeth of a black monkey in sheer anger he faced east looking for his prey.

He shined in the brilliance of a million suns, looking south giving a wild roar of anger, shaking the earth with his force. The fearless one, the lion within glows in black as the great Narasimha looking south assuring those who loved him well, that he is there to protect them. Such anger stems from deep love, and such deep love gives intense capability to devour any evil, subdue any force and nullify the poisons of any enemy, be it deadly snakes or be it mad ghosts. He takes the form of the brilliant Garuda who will nail all evil at the tip of his sharp beak, and reduce them to insignificance as he looks west towards the setting sun.

He hunts like he has never hunted before, in all the worlds for his Master, his saviour. He appears black like the midnight sky, going into the underworld with the vigour of a fierce boar, trashing ghosts, lions, and any form of disease along the way. He displays such force, such intensity, such aggression, such anger as he digs down into the earth stopping at nothing. He rises up high into the sky like a triumphant horse destroying all evil, in the brilliance of gyana into the white sky in the form of Hayagriva as he destroys his enemy. 

He is merciful even when he is angry, the fierce one with ten hands, holding the power of jyana and protecting us all. He carries on himself the trident, the sword, the rope, the goad, the mountain, the tree and the water pot in his hands as he bestows love and blessings on lesser mortals. He is the black one, mysterious indeed, fragrant and dressed in divine garlands and seated on a corpse, defying death. 

He is the mysterious one, the five faced Anjaneya, dispelling all fears with his vishwarupa as he sniffs out all evil from all the worlds. I breathe in deeply, absorbing his form, absorbing his energy praying to the great form of Hanuman.

I offer my prayers to the son of Anjana through the thumb for he resides in my heart. 
I offer my prayers to the great Rudra through the fore finger for he resides in the fire of enlightenment, in its blue flames. 
I offer my prayers to the son of the wind God through the middle finger, Om Vashat 
I offer my prayers to the Lord who has Om Hoom, the armour for the fire within him through the fourth finger, 
I offer my prayers to the great Messenger of Rama through the little finger
And to the five faced great Lord I offer my prayers through my palm, Om Phat for the arrows of the five faced hanuman.  

Om asya Sri Pancha Hanuman maha manthrasya
Sri Ramachandra Rishi
Anushtup Chanda
Pancha Mukha veera Hanuman devatha
Hanumanithi bheejam 
Vayu puthra ithi shakthi
Anjani sutha ithi keelakam
Sri Rama dhootha hanumath prasada sidhyarthejape viniyoga. 
Ithi rishyadhika vinyaseth.

Om Anjani suthaya angushtabhyam nama
Om Rudhra murthaye Tharjaneebhyam nama
Om Vayu puthraya madhyamabhyam nama
Om Agni garbhaya Anamikabhyam nama
Om Rama Dhoothaya kanishtikabhyam nama
Om Pancha mukha hanumath kara thala kara prushtabhyam nama
Ithi Kara nyasa

Om Anjani suthaya hrudayaya nama
Om Rudhra murthaye Sirase Swaha
Om Vayu puthraya shikhaya vashat
Om Agni Garbhaya kavachaya hoom
Om Rama dhoothathaya nethraya Voushat
Om Pancha mukha hanumathe asthraya phat
Om Pancha mukha Hanumathe swaha
Ithi Hrudhayadhi nyasa

Reference: Pancha Mukha Anjaneya kavacham

AIB Roaster - Pray what is Indian Culture?

Culture - Nice word, but I am losing touch with the meaning. In the Indian context, Culture is a difficult word to define given its religious and secular undertone. 

AIB says: 

"There’s a larger cultural conversation going on here, where we’re at the very edges of what it’s okay to say. And it’s a conversation we need to have now because the world we live in is entirely too complicated to be run by silences. We still stand by our belief in the right to absolute freedom of expression for us and for anyone who has anything to say about anything at all. We hope to be part of an environment that supports that sort of expression without fear of persecution, intimidation and most importantly, annoyance. As always, in our own AIB way we’ll continue to strive towards creating that very environment."

Seriously... in this age and time, AIB, do you really think you are making any sense? You sound short sighted and immature. It’s an ideal world you are looking for living in the perfect HELL. Get real.

The reason why AIB got roasted is because their humor and use of forbidden vulgar language was not behind closed doors, but it was being endorsed by celebrities who thought it was cool. Young blood, I understand their view point. But in a country where women get raped every few minutes and men continue to be chauvinists, how much of responsibility is the influential youth showing to the impressionable public? Ladies, please, you are encouraging the men... and that is not good. It’s not cool...

I didn’t get educated into this vulgarity until recently. If women were to speak this language it is also a freedom of expression, but AIB, would you appreciate it if they did say that to you with a straight face, meaning every word? You would abuse them in return, especially if you were driving on the road. 

In my world culture is way bigger than the freedom of expression alone, it is the freedom to be allowed to learn and understand and realize what true living is all about and live life based on that school of thought. It’s a different story that freedom of expression is being curbed more by political forces, don’t ask me why, but that is a misplaced ideology on culture. AIB, I think you are being a little short sighted. 

AIB Roaster was sad humor, a bunch of very expensive dirty jokes. The only shade of good humor was on Alia, which was clean and really funny. Am glad the girl took it well. But we shouldn't mix "I dare" with "its funny". Challenge is one thing and good humor is another. 

I am already aware of a deep generation gap between the kids on stage of AIB roaster and me, but would I like my son to use the same language publicly as a laugh... No, and would my son ever dare to do it in front of me - No. I didn’t bring him up that way you see and it’s not our culture to be disrespectful to the elders. Hence this language is best left within boys hostels and guy groups because we can’t really stop it, but we don't want to hear it. 

Culture in the west is defined by a certain decorum of possible pleasantness, politeness, friendliness and compassion to the next individual. It baffles me that we didn’t think of aping that part of their culture, we took all the garbage! 

Culture in the Indian context used to be the same thing, what I was taught is that it is a part of my faith because we define that by Dharma and Sampradaya - The law of good living and the discipline associated with it. What AIB showcased is cacophony in my rhythmic existence. We come from a past where even a curse uttered had an effect and speech was considered extremely sacred, hence it was used sparingly. 

We now live in an era, where the tongue wags and all that comes out is utter garbage and there is a crowd that loves to hear it. People are being applauded for the filth, when what they actually did was abuse people with the worst words possible. You know the Romans used to enjoy while gladiators killed people, it was entertainment. How different are you from them, except that you killed culture instead of people. But that is the culture that is going to go forward, your kids will learn it and that is not the culture we grew up with.  

So everybody, hold on for a minute. There is chaos all around, and the din is getting louder. Don’t waste this form of energy by exercising your vocal chords in the wrong direction. Every sound you emit, has an impact on you, the more you shout dirt, the worse it gets for you. Hold your voice. You will realize that silence is far more useful and healthy and when you speak, its way more powerful. 

Language is a beautiful thing and if used appropriately it can be complete music to the ears. I am not even venturing into the supernatural world of sound associated with beeja mantras and its amazing benefits, because that science is dead in this era. All am saying is, there is poetry in speech, why would you give it up for filth? Why are we degenerating from the power of sound to absolute crass noise? Does the youth of today even know the quality of ancient living they are currently missing because they believe its superstition or outdated? 

Silence is golden, look for gold, not garbage. Oh Lord, Bless our Youth.

As the Viveka-Cuda-Mani - The Crest Jewel of Wisdom by the great Shankara goes...

dur-labham trayam ev'aitad dev'anugraha-hetukam

manusyatvam mumuksutvam maha-purusa-samsrayah. 

These three things are hard to achieve, and are attained only by the grace of God - human nature, the desire for liberation, and finding refuge with a great sage. 

And therefore...use your nature well.

brahm'ananda-ras'anubhuti-kalitaih purtaih susitair yutaih

yusmad vak-kalasoj jhitaih sruti-sukhair vaky'amrtaih secaya

samtaptam bhava-tapa-dava-dahana-jval'abhir enam prabho

dhanyaste bhava-diksana-ksana-gateh patri-krtah svikrtah.

Pour upon me your sweet words, imbued with the taste of God's bliss. They spring from your lips as if poured out of a jug, and are pleasing to the ear. For I am tormented by samsara's afflictions, like the flames of a forest fire, Lord. Blessed are those who receive even a passing glance from your eyes. 

To My Fellow Countrymen

It hurts me to see this unrest, it hurts me to feel the pain and fear of insecurity that every man carries in his/her heart today. It hurts me to see people take rebellious steps when they feel their faith is being threatened. It hurts me to see us having such a myopic view of our spiritual future as compare to the intolerance brewing around this beautiful countryside. How did we end up here and why are we doing this to each other? This is the land of Dharma, of Ahimsa. 

To the VHP and RSS  

I am completely disappointed with you and given your discipline, your behavior is very unbecoming of you. I think you got it wrong, completely wrong. Whether it is about "Ghar vapsi" which I as a Hindu think is a really sick thing to do, or whether it is giving advice on having 4 kids or whether its about rebuilding the Ram temple... I think you seriously got it all wrong and you are not helping us or Prime Minister Mr.Narendra Modi who is crying himself hoarse to get you to focus on development.

The Hindu faith doesn't work by head count, it works by the potent power of bhakti of ONE potential head. If you tried to read the Bhagavat Gita and understand its meaning, you will know clearly that you are so not in sync with your Dharma. Making it a national book achieves nothing!! 

If you want to show Hindu mettle, then please do it with the heart(compassion) and do it with non violence, both of which you sadly lack. It doesn't matter how many people get converted to Christianity or how many Muslims are born in this country but if you have ONE able person who is spiritually uplifted and driven by spiritual protocol(and not a self styled Guru) to the likes of Ramakrishna or Ramana Maharishi, then a million other faiths will not match up. 

The power of Hinduism is in its Bhakti, its in the essence of divine scriptures both of which you have neither understood nor realized. So who are you really, to set the moral code of Hindu standards and teach the rest of us? If you knew even a morsel of what our great scriptures held you wouldnt even react this way. You would forgive rather than show the might of political power. 

Hit the problem at the root, not in the number of conversions. But for that you need to be educated in the spiritual spectrum to even understand where you are missing the point. Your insecurity comes from the deep fear that you dont understand your faith, and with the passing of time you are only losing it further. Your people are losing faith too and what you are stuck with are a dozen dos and don'ts but there is no reason why they are given that way. And people are bound to ask questions and when they dont get the answer, they are bound to move on... or convert. 

Blind faith rules all the faiths of today, be it the others or our very own Hinduism. Everyone is getting worried with your high handedness, including me because what you showcase is NOT WHAT HINDUISM REALLY IS, I beg to differ. Why dont we try something new. People are in desperate need to know the truth, but they are no where near capable to deal with it when it really shows up on the face. And that includes you too. So why are you barking up the wrong tree and fighting a non existent battle? 

How much have we progressed in History? We are supposed to evolve and not dive back into an archaic world of fears. Where is the maturity to be compassionate and tolerant. Isnt that what Lord Krishna taught in the Bhagavat Gita? If you really want to dive back into the archaic past and seek value out of it, then do it this way. Understand the core behind our rituals and our holy scriptures, realize it and live it, and dont worry about whether the next man got it right or whether he changed faith out of frustration. 

Bottom line - There are more sacred texts beyond the Bhagavat Gita, I hope you know that. I would be seriously disappointed if you didnt.You have no business to think that you are the keeper of the faith. And second, rule by Love and not by Fear so please grow up.  

ceto-darpana-marjanam bhava-mahadavagni-nirvapanam

sreyah kairava-candrikavitaranam vidyavadhujivanam

anandambudhi-vardhanam pratipadam purnamrtasvadanam

sarvatma-snapanam param vijayate sri-krsna-sankirtanam

Glory to the Sri Krsna sankirtana, which cleanses the heart of all the dust accumulated for years and extinguishes the fire of conditional life, of repeated birth and death. This sankirtana movement is the prime benediction for humanity at large because it spreads the rays of the benediction moon. It is the life of all transcendental knowledge. It increases the ocean of transcendental bliss, and it enables us to fully taste the nectar for which we are always anxious.

 - Sri Krsna Caitanya Mahaprabhu

PK - Faith and our identity on this planet.

And the repercussions of Faith as our identity on this planet

A French artist paid with his life, an Indian director got paid 200 crores. 

The various faces of religion are indeed interesting to see in terms of the way it has shaped us up through history. Our outlook has changed and we have moved away from the core concepts of schools of thought to just numbers in terms of followers to self proclaimed Gurus.

Satire is a humorous way of bringing reality to the fore, but most people really don't want to know it. That's the sad side of being human, specially in these times. An artist drew out Prophet Muhammad and he paid for it dearly with his life, why, because someone else couldn't tolerate the apparent blasphemy. Meanwhile back home, a director cracked a joke on the primordial truth, a concept way beyond our realm of understanding and we all laughed. Believe me I felt very sorry about the director's ignorance towards his faith and ours because we laughed rather than feel ashamed about it. 

We are a very emotional race and we identify our existence with our faith but if the same faith is not completely understood where are we headed? Chaos rules when anything spoken against our Gods is not taken to kindly though we realize that we are not in a position to explain why we believe our Gods exist. But here is the thing, if the director tried to go against any other faith apart from Hinduism, he would probably have met a similar fate in the future at some point. People don't forget when you hurt them you know. But with Hinduism, it shows two things about us, our tolerance and our ignorance. Whether its good or bad is debatable, but we live in an age where being Hindu in Hindustan is fast becoming a curse. 

A group figured out that it was wrong, and they chose to vandalize theaters, its definitely better than taking the gun and killing someone. The unfortunate thing is the group doesn't quite know what was wrong with the movie but for the fact that it did hurt sentiment. One argument is that its just a movie, see it and forget it. But another argument is that it made 200 crores which means many people may completely agree with it. If that is true, we are so doomed. 

Everything was right about PK, everything was beautifully stitched together but it clearly depicted the director's ignorance about why things are done they way they are specially in ritual. Oh MY God and PK both claim that milk should not be poured over the Shiva linga but fed to the poor. While am not against the thought of feeding the poor, I will explain why milk is necessary to pour over deities, not only Lord Shiva's emblem. 

Have you seen fairness cream commercials that shout out the presence of milk as an ingredient. Milk is important for it has the magical essence that can deliver a living thing to immortality. Anything/anyone bathed in milk regularly has a greater chance of survival in addition to remaining youthful. Similarly, at temples which are the super power centers of our deities made of specific stone and installed with prana pratishta, need to be consistently bathed in milk to keep the energies active and running, thus delivering these temples as living temples. And we visit temples to reach these sacred shrines and be graced by the power that surrounds them. That is the essential purpose of our temple visits. Alternatively we can also enshrine them at home and build our own little power centers at home. The concept works like fire, whether you light one lamp or several lamps, the first flame is as bright as the last frame lit. Similarly whether we have power centers at temples or in our homes, we are accumulating drops of supreme power around us to enhance our living environment. And milk is the essential ingredient to keep the power center active and therefore the giver of milk, the cow is a sacred animal. We DONT kill it or eat it. Ideally the milk should drain out to the river or the sea and should not go down the gutter. But it is not meant for consumption after use for it is empowered and the physical body will not withstand its energies. 

But who is going to explain this to us? At the same time it doesn't mean its a wasted ritual!

Unfortunately, we don't realize these truths and as we sink deeper into ignorance, we tend to laugh and pay 200 crores rather than cry and feel pathetic about ourselves. 

But there was on fantastic portrayal in the movie that made me really appreciate the director. The depiction of seeking God desperately and the sadness of failure because of our own inadequacy probably touches our hearts the closest for we all at some point have come face to face with this frustration. That emotion was true, honest and completely humble. 

We need to persist in our faith, we need to seek the truth and we need to give room in our minds to accept ritual for this discipline has an impact and it will show the way surely if we are true seekers without doubt and ready to surrender to the Lord.