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3.04.2012

The divine celestial from the Holy Land

Srinivasan sat back in bed, trying hard not to let go of the dream he had just woken out of. It was divine in its pulse for his emotions were raging high even after his mind has sunk back into the real world. Who was that he wondered? Who was that person, so charming and angelic with a smile so sweet that he could stay intoxicated with it forever. His dream had been very strange and his emotions were uncontrollable. He had never wanted someone so much. This person he saw in the dream looked monk like, fair and rounded like a baby extremely active with a spark of life that overwhelmed him. What stood in front of him was a celestial, whose smile and twinkling eyes just gave him more presence than just another human being. He appeared to be God sent, from the realm of the supreme and the energy he displayed was overwhelmingly powerful.

Srinivasan had no intentions to let go of his divine imagination. That dream was too precious. He pondered over his emotions, this celestial being belonged to him. Who ever he was and where ever he came from... he looked unreachable and the same time he was right there. His face spoke a million words, as if he was from the world of the wise. He looked enlightened; he looked as if he knew, as if he knew a lot. He looked as if he mocked the ignorance of Srinivasan as he stared at him and played with his emotions. He was there in front of him, and suddenly he disappeared only to reappear with the most charming smile, beaming life in his eyes, with a divine glow that enveloped him. He was so full of Tejas, Srinivasan could barely hold himself together.

Srinivasan felt a surge of divine love. It was not compassionate as much as it was possessive. He wanted that celestial being to be with him, he wanted to keep observing him, he was completely fascinated, completely enchanted by this ray of spiritual presence that draped his mind this morning. At the same time, Srinivasan felt fear, fear of his celestial friend being discovered. Fear that others would notice this spark of divinity and wish it away or destroy it with their evil glance. This was Srinivasan's moment in reality, his moment of being blessed by the supreme. And he couldn't share this joy with anyone... no one should ever know such a celestial came by. Srinivasan felt that the Gods had sent a messenger of some sort who was there to be with him for a while, protecting him and at the same time enticing him towards the realm of divine truth.

Srinivasan was ready to give up everything and go where ever the celestial being took him. It was no woman, there was no lust, no sensuous attraction, no hunger for flesh but there was supreme presence, it was beyond words to explain. Srinivasan felt blessed as if he was granted that strange wish of being protected and at the same time, he felt he was given ultimate freedom to leave this world we live in. Nothing about this world mattered. No money, no human, no happiness in the world, no woman could grant him this kind of a joy that he had felt suddenly. And he felt fear, fear to guard it, fear to hide the presence of this blessed being in his realm, so worried that someone else would notice and chase this celestial being away.

The dream faded with time, the emotions subsided and Srinivasan soon forgot the presence of the celestial being in his dream... it was a distant thought, one that he would love to entertain but as the thick weeds of ignorance grew over his spiritual realm Srinivasan very quickly got back into the mad noisy world of people.

Years later Srinivasan mulled over his life, his thoughts and his experiences. He was married now, and waiting for his first child to arrive. How would he be as a father, was he capable at all? As the day of his transformation approached Srinivasan's time and mind was long lost in getting himself and his home ready for the new arrival. The emotions of being a father were quickly smothered by the many people who took active interest in how the little one had to be brought up. Srinivasan barely got time to sit back and feel the joy in silence. Months flew by and it hardly took time for his child to grow into a beautiful baby. It was time for a trip to the holy land of Tirupati and Srinivasan and his wife decided to ceremoniously do away with the long jatas of their little one. Srinivasan was convinced that this had to be done soon and the long trek to the holy land brought him to this sacred earth for another round of darshan. This time he wondered whether his little one could sustain the overwhelming mass of people through the dingy passage ways. He would brave it anyway and he only hoped his little one would manage to take it all in with little trouble.

In the queue, the wait was endless. Srinivasan sat watching the crowds, some sleeping, others chatting over a coffee and few others yelling out loud "Govinda Govinda" occasionally with the sound of whining children in the background. The gates opened and the crowd raced almost causing a stampede. Srinivasan and his wife waded in the crowd, letting the flow of human beings carry them with its tide. Sticking close was all he could think of holding his little one up occasionally as he slept peacefully in his arms. The crowd swayed into the temple gates, the river of people now turning into rough rapids with no sensitivity towards anyone. Srinivasan's mind was a mixture of emotions, on one side he felt strange and blessed to be back on this earth, on the other side, his mind was on his little one who had just woken up in a daze staring at the river of strange people all around him, and he was leading the way for his family to stick together and make it safe for a minute longer in front of the sacred shrine of Lord Venkateshwara.   

The crowd surged in madly, meandering through the pillared passage way within the chamber of gold, and Srinivasan caught the glimpse of the Lord as he maneuvered through the maze. He was now heading straight for the spot, the one spot in front of the Lord before he got pushed away, where the Lord quickly fades of out sight. Srinivasan held up his little one to face the Lord, and looked at him. There in the background of all the chaos and in the thick of the human river, Srinivasan looked at the form of the Lord and then at his little one, only to be baffled by the play of life and time. What smiled in his arms was a little fair child, tonsured and smeared with sandalwood, monk like, with a glowing twinkle in his eyes, smiling a beaming smile at him, alive with a presence and energy he had not caught all these days. Srinivasan succumbed to the emotion as it came charging back into his mind, his eyes overjoyed with tears bursting with emotions as he stared at his little one... he held his own, his little divine celestial in his arms, the Lord had blessed him well at last.